Even before the pandemic struck, we were beginning to recognize how rampant loneliness was hurting most of us. Despite the urgent imperative, we haven’t historically had access to healthy tools for social connection.

As Dr. Rosemary Ku, physician with dual board certifications in Internal Medicine and Preventative Medicine, puts it: “Loneliness, anxiety, depression, stress, and other emotional struggles have been closely linked with physical health impacts. But in this era of constant struggle and deaths of despair, we have few tools ready to take on the sheer volume of pain in America today.”

Netflix’s new documentary, The Social Dilemma delves into the impact of predatory social tools. But what about social tools for good? How could we build something like that?

That’s where online peer support comes in.

Why is peer support a positive, wholesome online interaction?

Reputable peer support providers, especially online, will make strong commitments to your privacy. Sites like Supportiv don’t ask for identifying info, nor sell ad space (no creepy targeting). And they are modeled on your wellbeing, rather than on your personal information.

Dr. Rosemary Ku, who holds an MD and MBA from Columbia, and an MPH from UC Berkeley, explains why peer support is a possible solution to our escalating mental and physical health crises:

“The healthcare system is not equipped to address the challenges of daily life struggles. Peer support has been identified as an effective intervention to fill this gap, instill greater emotional well-being, and improve health outcomes for a wide range of mental and physical health issues.”

Can Peer Support Help?

Peer support’s anonymity, 24/7 availability, lack of judgement, and ability to reduce loneliness make chatting a quick and easy choice in the moment. It provides supportive, social relief without the risk, and without the effort.

If you need more convincing, there’s a pretty cool insight cited in a recent Supportiv whitepaper. In at least one meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials, peer-to-peer support’s efficacy matched that of group CBT: “The magnitude of improvement seen from peer support was similar to those of psychotherapy and antidepressant medications.”

It’s more comfortable to hear suggestions and feedback from your peers, than to be instructed by a professional who makes you feel judged. Additionally, it feels better to talk to someone who has personally been where you are now; they’re the only folks who can truly appreciate your struggle.

How does it help?

“By increasing social connectedness and providing both emotional and tactical support for day-to-day stressors, peer support is a low-cost, effective service that can serve as a standalone offering or complementary to disease management programs.”

This type of tool connects people even when connection isn’t safe — physically or emotionally. It gives you an outlet when all your usual outlets are off-limits. Folks who understand your struggle know how to respect where you are. Even though they can’t know WHO you are!

Anonymous online peer support facilitates vulnerable connection, without the risk. And with all the possible benefits, it’s worth giving a try. Especially if you’re not interested in or not able to go to therapy.

The post What Is Peer Support? How Can It Reprogram Your Mental Health? appeared first on Supportiv.

If you don’t like writing or hate the pressure to journal every day, you have plenty of options left at your disposal–options easier and often more interesting and fun than a traditional diary. Contrary to popular belief, journals can take many creative forms, tailored exactly to how you enjoy expressing yourself and reflecting on life.

Below, find discussion and creative ideas for how to start journaling–without pain, and without forcing yourself into a habit that’s not right for you.

To Journal, Or Not To Journal?

For those of us whose thoughts race constantly, journaling helps us engage with our own minds. If we can keep it up, of course.

Journaling can be a compelling method of self-expression, where you let out your experiences and feelings onto a piece of paper without fear of being judged. This can help create a sense of clear perspective toward your own life, which helps mental health in the long run. It’s a great habit to get into because you will become more self-aware, process your feelings, and resolve inner-conflict.

However, self-knowledge can be one of the scariest things we go through as humans. Self awareness often brings self-consciousness, which can cause great initial discomfort.

Journaling is challenging for many of us for a variety of other reasons, too. Maybe you’re afraid to confront your feelings. You avoid writing things down because the emotions are intense. It could be that you’re overwhelmed with all the things going on with your life, and you feel as if there’s no time to journal. Or, it could be something else! These are all valid feelings.

What If We Re-Define What Journaling Is?

If you’re worried about the time constraints, it doesn’t take so long to write an entry; writing in your journal can be part of your nighttime routine. You might take a bath or shower, get into your pajamas, into bed, and write for 10 minutes. Or if you’re worried about facing your feelings, you have control over what you write (or choose not to) in your journal.

Additionally, you may choose not to write at all.

Aside from the discomfort that clarity can bring us, there’s also the challenge of writing, itself. Expressing deep thoughts and feelings feels vulnerable, even when nobody else is around; combine that vulnerable feeling with echoes of school, writing assignments and grading, and writing in a journal becomes a complete turn-off.

As mentioned above, journaling doesn’t have to involve writing, though this is usually the way we imagine it. The challenge of labeling emotions with the correct words, and of accurately reflecting our internal experiences, can make journaling feel futile for many.

But the good news is, that journaling doesn’t have to involve words. It doesn’t have to involve daily entries and guilt over missed days. Your journal just has to allow you to remember important moments and feelings, in a way that you can benefit from.

This means that instead of written diaries, journals can look like collections of pictures, texts from friends, or doodles inspired by your days.

The great thing about keeping a journal is that you record what happened during a particular time in your life, in a way that resonates for you. You can work through complicated emotions by journaling without writing — instead using collages of memes, or putting a daily memento into a time capsule journal.

In these ways, journaling is still an excellent (and free) form of mental and emotional self care. The key is to find a way to document your day, without adding what feels like a giant extra step into your routine. When you make journaling fun for yourself, it becomes something you look forward to, instead of just another chore.

How To Start A Journal: Alternative Ideas

There are ways to keep a journal that don’t require writing in a regular notebook. To select the best method for you, think about what kinds of record-keeping you already do.

Do you take a lot of pictures on Snapchat or Instagram? Do you like making lists? Instead of starting a whole new journaling habit, why not just integrate the concept of journaling into your existing habit?

Here are some unconventional ways to participate in journaling, which might stick better:

1. Create a Snapchat/Instagram “Journal”

Each day, take a photo that represents your experience: a friend you saw, a relaxing panorama from a hike, or an annoyed-looking selfie. Apps like Snapchat allow you to save photos to “memories,” and the apps share these memories back with you at the end of each month, and on important anniversaries. If you’re someone who has trouble looking back without a reminder, this journaling method can be especially effortless. These pictures document where you’ve been, and how things have changed over time. You can even add captions to approximate “writing” in a journal, in your photos. Just make sure to periodically reflect back on your photos.

2. Turn Your To-Do Lists Into A Log

If you make a daily to-do list, use that as a base for your journal! Every day, save your daily to-do’s to a folder or running document with the date. At the end of the day, you can summarize how you felt, underneath. If you forget a day, or forget a summary, no pressure. This type of journal can help you find patterns between your moods and daily activities.

3. Try Bullet Journaling

For people who want a regimented creative outlet, bullet journaling can be a great tool. It consists of writing lists of things that happened during the day or a series of thoughts represented with bullet points. This type of journal can reinforce the self-esteem of a neat freak, or help artistic folks bring some structure to their creative self reflection.

4. Take A Daily 10-minute Doodle Break

Get a notebook, set a timer for 10 minutes a day, and let your mind and pencil go free the whole time.

Once a month, or whenever you remember, take some time to go through your most recent doodles. See if you notice patterns, like if you can tell anything about your daily mood from what you tend to draw. If nothing else, doodling at the end of most days is a great way to calm your mind.

5. Use Voice Memos

Journaling doesn’t have to be done in hard copy! If it’s easy for you to speak a couple-sentence summary of your day, try using your phone’s voice memo feature. Whenever the mood strikes, record a short clip into your phone. You can record a series of voice recordings that summarize the day’s events or just capture your emotions at any given moment. This alternative way to journal also lets you hear the tone of emotion in your own voice – which may sound different than how you would’ve described it.

You’re not out of luck if none of these options appeal to you.

Maybe none of these alternatives to journaling sound right for you. That’s ok, too! But there really is some use to getting thoughts off your chest and validated by understanding others.

If you need to get tough thoughts or feelings out of your head, but journaling isn’t for you, you can let it out anonymously here, 24/7, in a peer support chat.

Supportiv peer support chats are judgement-free and a good way to regroup at the end of a tough day. It’s okay to reach out when you need a person to hear you. Don’t be afraid to ask for support; you might even help someone else by sharing.

The post (Alternative) Ways To Journal That Work appeared first on Supportiv.

We are all becoming more aware of the coldness, cruelty and dysfunction in this world, leading us to question our habits and values, whether we have any power to change things (we do), and whether it’s possible to create good inside such a callously-constructed system.

When everything seems absurd, pointless, and you don’t feel like it’ll ever change? That’s certainly fuel for an existential crisis.

What Is An Existential Crisis?

An existential crisis happens when life’s uncertainty or absurdity become too much to bear. The weight of it all sends you into an abyss formed and perpetuated by feelings like helplessness, apathy for the world around you, a loss of enjoyment in things you used to like, sleep problems, and more. 

An existential crisis can show itself as any of the following:

• existential dread: the dread of trudging through a meaningless existence
• existential anxiety: the panic or anxiety of needing to find meaning in a meaningless-seeming world
• existential depression: the depression that comes with the belief that nothing you do matters

Or, it can look like your own brand of crippling despair…

“Existential frustration is in itself neither pathological nor pathogenic. A man’s concern, even his despair, over the worthwhileness of life is an existential distress but by no means a mental disease.” – Viktor Frankl

Every now and then, we’re going about our lives until suddenly, an intrusive thought hits us like a truck: “What is the meaning of my life?” “Do I have a purpose?” “What’s the point of all this?”

It’s natural for thoughts like this to wander in and out, but often, these thoughts seep deeper into our minds and overwhelm us with despair and other negative feelings.

It feels like you could have an existential crisis every single day lately. When everything seems absurd, pointless, nonsensical, and you don’t feel like it’ll ever change? That’s certainly fuel for dark emotions.

You’re not alone in feeling this way, but the goal is for you to feel better.

For immediate relief, you can talk to an understanding peer about your struggle (anonymous and judgement-free).

And for the longer-term, we’ll show you steps to overcome an existential crisis, below.

Why Does It Happen?

An existential crisis seldom appears on its own. It can usually be traced back to something, such as an unhelpful thinking style, a life-changing event, or trauma.

These crises occur, in theory, when we face vague aspects of existence like finality, infinity, or mortality.

It can come in the form of questions like:

• “What is my purpose?”
• “Where is my place in this vast world?”
• “If I’m just going to die, why does anything I do matter?”
• Or, like this redditor put it: “Why do we live?”

Especially in today’s social and political climate, existential anxiety can arise from outside the self, too, spurred by senseless or confusing trends and events.

Depression, Anxiety, and Other Mental Health Struggles

Existential crises can accompany mental health struggles like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder, among others. However, the question of what causes what is still up for debate. 

“Talking about our feelings gives them validity and helps prevent them from consuming us.”

If someone is overwhelmed by an existential crisis, it makes sense to assume that those very thoughts cause depressive symptoms like apathy, loss of pleasure, prolonged periods of sadness, and more.  

But on the other hand, if someone already has major depression or something similar, that can lead to feelings of disconnect with the world. And that disconnect can trigger questions like “What is the meaning of my existence?” and “Do I matter?” 

All we know for sure is that existential crises have links to mental health, but whether they are a symptom or a cause is still being researched.

Life Events

Traumatic life events like living through a natural disaster, a medical emergency, or the death of a loved one are potential causes for existential crises. This also applies to other life-changing events like losing a job or a disastrous break up.

When we’re faced with such events, it’s natural to take a step back and ponder things such as our life’s purpose or our own mortality. It becomes easy to fall into an existential crisis

How Can I Deal With An Existential Crisis?

Existential crises are not something wrong with you. 

In modern life, it’s easy to feel a lack of drive. Many of us feel like our efforts are pointless, like there’s no motivating factor worthy of our energy.

In his book, Man’s Search For Meaning, Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl suggests that existential frustration can often be solved by making some change in life that provides a person a fuller sense of meaning and purpose. 

Luckily, we all have inner tools to help us overcome existential crises in this way. 

Zapfee’s Inner Tools In An Existential Crisis

Around 1933, philosopher Philip Zapfee proposed that existential dread is something we’re all bound to experience at some point. He suggested that while existential crises are pretty much inevitable, but he also gave us hope.

He theorized that each of us has specific, internal tools that can help combat these overwhelming feelings.

Anchoring:

This is our ability to fixate on specific concepts to help stave off feelings of dread and unease. We can anchor ourselves to things like specific goals, values, or relationships. This allows us to find meaning in the governing principles of our lives.

Anchoring, as the term suggests, keeps us grounded and driven in the face of an existential crisis.

Isolation:

It sounds bad just to write it like that! But this is our ability to separate ourselves from our dreadful thoughts. We have the ability to take a step back from disheartening situations and reflect on what we’re going through.

Distraction:

Distractions can help by diverting our time and attention to other things instead of remaining focused on negative existential thoughts.

Sublimation:

Similar to distraction, sublimation is another way to refocus our energy. Instead of focusing on our thoughts, we can turn our attention to things that bring us joy or give us meaning.

Sublimation can be as simple as devoting your energy to the positive things in life, or creating a positive outlet for your emotions like arts and literature.

Additional Methods

Those tools were proposed a long time ago, so let’s also look at the issue from a more modern perspective. Below are some more tools you may find within yourself, to help in an existential crisis.

Reflecting:

Spend some time thinking about why you feel this way. Reflection is a powerful tool that lets us assess a situation and assess what our options are to handle it.

Reflection can help evaluate and understand your feelings, and from there you may find ways to manage your emotions and find meaning in life.

Setting Goals:

Setting goals is one of the best ways to give us a sense of purpose and autonomy. Try to think about something you’ve always wanted to do.

Have you ever wanted to try your hand at making a difficult but delicious dish? Or how about talking to a stranger?

Map out a game plan for reaching your goals. This can directly help combat that feeling of having no purpose – no matter how small, you’re creating one for yourself!

Finding Hobbies:

As Zapfee alluded to, distractions are a great way to take our mind off of negative thoughts.

Pour your time and energy into something you’re passionate about. If you don’t have a prominent hobby, reflect and think about anything you’ve ever wanted to try but never had the chance.

There are lots of YouTube videos on random hobbies you might never have thought of. Take some time to explore and land on something that feels right for you.

Talking to Someone:

Dealing with these thoughts on your own is hard, so take some time and voice your concerns to a trusted friend or family member.

Talking about our feelings gives them validity and helps prevent them from consuming us. And others can even lend a helping hand to help you through an existential crisis!

In Conclusion

Dealing with an existential crisis isn’t easy, but hopefully you’re now equipped to handle it better than before. 

If you ever feel like your thoughts are weighing too heavily on you, don’t be afraid to start a chat at Supportiv! Hit the coral Chat Now button, type a thought, and you’ll get to talk in less than a minute.

We’re always here to talk 24/7 and can provide a listening ear – whatever is on your mind.

The post Existential Crisis, Anxiety, or Dread? Inner Tools To Find Relief appeared first on Supportiv.

People are more on-edge than usual, and emotions are running high, making it even more difficult to get along. On top of that, we’ve fallen into de-facto “pandemic pods,” leading us to over-rely on a select few people. Unfortunately, over-reliance can often lead to resentment.

So, what do you do when you start to resent the people around you?

First, it’s important to understand the signs of resentment and what to do if you find yourself experiencing resentment. Next, it’s crucial to start understanding the patterns that led you to resentment or over-reliance.

Then, you can start to break free and establish healthier patterns within your COVID pod. Round-the-clock exposure to each other does not have to breed resentment.

Signs of resentment

Sometimes, people act on resentment without fully understanding that they are, in fact, experiencing resentment. That’s common, but resentment left alone may lead to burnt bridges.

Here are some signs that you may resent someone around you:

• Getting frustrated or thinking: “Not again…” 
• Feeling like one person is taking you away from other friends, family members, or endeavors
• Anger or hostility toward the person (or people!)
• Feeling irate over minor flaws in someone that you wouldn’t usually notice; or getting annoyed by small things that wouldn’t usually bother you

You may ruminate on the situation or situations that made you resent the person. If you resent someone, you may have a codependent dynamic, or they may have crossed your boundaries. Perhaps, you struggle to set boundaries in the first place, and that’s what led to the resentment.

Understanding of codependency, interdependency, and self-reliance is crucial to navigating over-reliance and the resentment it can cause.

What is codependency?

Codependency is an unhealthy reliance on or over-enmeshment with another person. Often, it pairs with enablement of some kind. Enablement doesn’t always occur in conjunction with the way that we think of the term classically; enablement or enabling behavior doesn’t always surround substance use disorder or similar concerns. It can also include letting someone rely on you for approval, emotion, self-esteem, identity, or decisions. If you feel like someone’s over-reliant on you to the extent that it drains you (or vice versa), you’re likely experiencing codependency. 

What if I might be codependent?

If you’re the one who’s relying on someone else past the point that it’s healthy, you might experience anxiety about getting your needs met by the person you rely on, or you might experience a low mood when the person’s unable to provide.

A healthy relationship has give and take, sometimes a great deal of it, but all people involved are able to maintain their sense of identity and self-reliance. Codependency robs you of those things to a degree, which is why it is unhealthy.

You want to feel good about yourself and know that you can self-regulate your feelings, choices, actions, and confidence. That’s why it’s important to be able to recognize and work through codependency. 

What Is Self-Reliance?

No one can rely on themselves all the time, but self-reliance is when you have the capability to rely on yourself to get your needs met and utilize that capability. It is a fundamental and crucial skill for anyone to develop to avoid codependency and to be able to develop healthy interdependent (not codependent) relationships.

If you are self-reliant, and no one is there to respond or people are busy, you can get yourself through. You can take it upon yourself to find someone who can talk, whether it’s a volunteer, another friend, a chatroom, or a mental health professional.

The bottom line when it comes to self-reliance is that you don’t have a constant expectancy of a specific person to meet your needs and know that you can meet your own or reach out to another person on your own if that person isn’t there.

The Balance Between Self Reliance And Codependency

It is a highly nuanced topic because social support is a crucial part of our emotional and physical well-being, but over-relying on one individual or being codependent toward friends, family members, or partners can grow extremely unhealthy both for you and the other person. It can lead to resentment, over-enmeshment, or lack of belief in your ability to help yourself, and no one wants to feel helpless. 

Self-reliance is not isolation or keeping things to yourself in a way that’s unhealthy; it is confidence, the ability to establish your own sense of self, and the ability to determine your own emotions or actions. If your relationship with your pandemic pod balances self-reliance and interdependence, your relationships will allow you to:

• Determine your own emotions (instead of relying on the other person as your primary source of happiness or validation)
• Do what’s best for you and make your own decisions
• Feel comfortable spending time apart, without fear, or antsy indecision
• Set and keep healthy boundaries
• Maintain a strong sense of self

To visualize codependency or over-enmeshment, imagine two people glued together, both feeling each other’s feelings, unable to meet their own needs. On the other hand, interdependence or self-reliance looks like two people understanding and supporting one another as individual beings–without fusing into one.

8 Steps To Resolve Resentment In Close Quarters

During COVID, resentment within the pod is likely just due to forced over-reliance. We can’t go out much, so we have to ask a smaller group of people to help us meet our pandemic-amplified needs.

1. Cool Off

One of the best ways to resolve resentment, particularly if it is related to being a little bit too interconnected, is to spend some time apart. Now, this might be hard in the time of the coronavirus, but with some creativity, it is possible.

2. Consider The Specifics

Think of when, how, and where you tend to clash with the person that you resent. Do you resent not having enough alone time? Do you resent an expectancy for you to do more than you can for this person?

3. Set Boundaries

This is an excellent opportunity for boundary setting, compromise, and communication. For example, if a COVID pod member expects you to take complete responsibility for a chore or favor, you might realize there’s an unequal give and take. Even if you’ve been accepting it for months, you still have a right to set a boundary.

When you decide you’ve had enough, you can say something like: “I am so sorry, I’m not able to do that this week. I’m struggling with my mental health and need some time to focus on it. Can we make a deal where we take turns completing this chore every other week?” 

Within COVID pods, you can also set similar boundaries for those who lean on you emotionally. In many relationships, one person relies on the other disproportionately, which can easily breed resentment. It can feel especially unfair when this happens outside of crisis situations, due to a relationship pattern that may have been established over time.

4. Avoid Pouring From An Empty Cup

Supporting people in your life is excellent, and many of us are incredibly empathetic people who love being there for others, but the truth is that sometimes, you won’t have the bandwidth. It’s like the saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”

As hard as it is to set boundaries at times, especially when you are someone’s go-to person, there are ways to navigate this situation while making sure that your friend gets what they need. That way, you can be sure that they’re okay even when you are struggling too much or are otherwise unable to be there. 

5. Make Room For Pre-Emptive Alone Time

If your resentment is due to the fact that you need more alone time in general and isn’t necessarily that someone’s asking you for something, make that alone time a priority. Take a walk or retreat to your own space, even if it is just your desk or your room.

Do something for yourself that is unique to you; something that feels like “you time.” This doesn’t need to be grandiose. Small pieces of joy can go a long way. For example, you can put your earbuds in and listen to a podcast you like. It’s free, and you can drown out the world around you. That time is yours.

6. Don’t Neglect Your Needs In Helping Others

There are always cases where people have someone that’s dependent on them, whether that’s a child or someone else in their life. In that case, it’s best to let yourself feel your feelings, stick to your responsibilities, but still take that time for yourself. Being a guardian or caregiver doesn’t mean that you can’t take time for you.

7. Let It Out

Sometimes, to deal with resentment (or even the painful emotions that come along with recognizing codependency), the best thing to do is to let it out.

Crying is a very healthy thing to do. It helps you to avoid internalizing or bottling up your feelings, both of which actually have negative health consequences. Some healthy ways of emotional release that might help you let what you’re feeling out are crying, asking a friend if you can call or FaceTime them, journaling, blogging, and going for a brisk walk outside.

All of us are going through a difficult time right now, and if world events, resentment, or being around the same people all of the time is getting to you, have compassion for yourself, and allow yourself to express and acknowledge your feelings. Experiencing a high level of stress is fully understandable, and you certainly aren’t alone. 

8. Find Outside Support

Finding outside support is a great way to cope, whether you’re struggling with codependency or you just want to talk to someone new. If you find that you vent to the same person daily, it might be helpful to diversify who you vent to. Don’t go to the same family member or friend every time. This way, you avoid over-reliance and get to hear new opinions, if applicable.

To ask someone for help, you can simply say, “do you have time for me to vent right now?” Another thing you can do to get outside support is to use services like Supportiv where you can talk to someone 24 hours a day every day – whenever you need it. That way, you’re talking to someone objective, and while it’s not a replacement for therapy or counseling, it can be extremely helpful to talk to someone outside of your situation.

If you find that you need a higher level of support or frequent support, it’s a good idea to look for a counselor or therapist. Many counselors and therapists have switched to remote sessions or are offering them as an option as a result of COVID-19. To find a counselor, check with your insurance company, ask for a referral, or search the internet. Whether you seek peer support, support from volunteers, help from a counselor, or all three, take pride in yourself for getting through this difficult time.

The post Resentment In COVID Pods: 8 Steps To Resolve And Prevent It appeared first on Supportiv.

According to psychologists and authors Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart, and Suzette Boon: “Negative core beliefs are reinforced over time by negative emotions, perceptions, and predictions, and by additional negative life experiences. The same is true for positive core beliefs and attendant perceptions, emotions, and experiences.”

Regardless of the cause of your negative core beliefs, clear research reveals these convictions about ourselves are “correlated positively with reports of negative experiences in childhood, attachment styles, anxiety, and depression.” So if you can’t change your past, or your attachment, it might be worth trying a top-down approach–by noticing and replacing these unhelpful beliefs.

Examples of negative core beliefs

The simplest way to see whether you have negative core beliefs is to look at a list. Most of our negative core beliefs are subconscious, built into how we see the world. But when prompted, some of these beliefs may look subtly familiar…

• “Nothing goes well for me.”
• “I’m not lovable.”
• “I’m broken.”
• “Everyone has an agenda.”
• “People are only nice when they want something.”
• “I’m a waste of space.”
• “People think of me like an alien.”
• “I can’t stand on my own.”
• “I’m not good at anything.”
• “Nobody will ever understand me.”
• “I have to earn kindness and love from others.”

As we’ve mentioned in other Supportiv articles, it’s nearly impossible to stop an unhelpful habit without a replacement behavior. You’ll have to learn to challenge your negative core beliefs, by:

1. Giving yourself a reality check, and
2. Reminding yourself of alternative, positive, core beliefs.

Reality Checks

As the aforementioned experts say of negative core beliefs, “These are deeply rooted convictions that typically involve all or nothing thinking without balance or nuance…” So the first step is noticing your unhelpful convictions, and giving yourself a reality check.

1. Occam’s Razor

Am I jumping to conclusions? What’s the most positive belief possible here? Usually the simplest explanation for things going wrong, is that…things just go wrong.

Bad luck = the universe being against you.

2. Focus On Precision

Is it really always?

Don’t let this reality check spiral into an empowered inner critic, but do stop and check your core beliefs for precision.

You might carelessly think “Oh, I’ll always be alone,” when you don’t really think it’s 100% true. But when you regularly think a certain way, you reinforce that thought — even if it imprecisely reflects your actual belief.

Try to notice when you think in broad, vague terms, especially about anxiety-provoking or emotional topics. Is that really how I feel? Is that really true? Do I want to perpetuate this thought in my mind?

Realistic, Positive Alternatives To Negative Core Beliefs

Here are some examples to replace unhelpful core beliefs:

• “I can be a good person and still have room to grow.”
• “If I need help, all I have to do is ask.”
• “I don’t have to be around bad people.”
• “There is a community out there for me.”
• “Taking initiative is safe. Nobody will punish me.”
• “Good people exist in the world.”
• “I’m allowed to do what’s right for me.”
• “It’s proactive to rest and recharge.”
• “Nobody will hurt me for being happy.”
• “I can march to the beat of my own drum.”
• “If I open up authentically, people will understand my human feelings.”
  

Remember: Spend your emotional energy wisely.

Is it possible things won’t go badly?

Am I reading into someone’s behavior? What are the chances I might be wrong? Is it worth assessing at all? Do I need to use my energy on this? Is my rumination now actually going to prepare me for possible negative events in the future?

And… Be patient with yourself.

A parting note from trauma experts Boon, Steele, and van der Hart:

“You may be quite convinced that something is healthy and good, but this does not mean that you can always ‘practice what you preach.'”

Punishing yourself for engaging with a negative thought won’t help. All you can do is continue trying your best to notice when it happens. In the process of noticing and replacing your negative core beliefs, patience with yourself is your most important tool.

The post Notice And Replace Your Negative Core Beliefs appeared first on Supportiv.

A surprising number of us feel this way — especially now that we’re stuck in our houses 24/7 due to COVID-19, unsure of what the future looks like! The uncertainty gives everything else a sort of pointless edge.

Whether your experience is depression-related or coronavirus-related, there’s a name for it: anhedonia. And the exercise below can help you beat it right away.

It’s worth taking a look at what anhedonia is, how it happens to you, and a foolproof way to help you enjoy things you used to love again!

If you feel like you aren’t enjoying life anymore, and want to talk to someone about it, there are people here for you. You can chat anonymously on Supportiv, 24/7, with people who know how anhedonia feels.

What is Anhedonia?

Anhedonia is an inability or reduced ability to feel pleasure, enjoyment, and engagement with life. It can also include reduced motivation to do things. You may feel like you don’t care about anything anymore since nothing feels good or brings you fulfillment. 

With anhedonia, your interest in things you used to love doing diminishes. That feeling of “wanting” or “liking” things is decreased, and you may not even know why. 

Anhedonia is known to especially affect those who experience major depression, PTSD, or other mood struggles. However, even if you don’t have any mental health diagnoses, you may still experience anhedonia. Anyone can find themselves stuck saying: “I don’t care about anything anymore.”

There are various factors that may have set off your anhedonia, such as:

• Depression
• Complex trauma
• Substance addiction
• Abuse
• A major illness or disability
• Loss of a loved one
• Grief 
• Social isolation due to COVID-19 and shelter-in-place

You may feel a general sense of not caring about anything, or your anhedonia might be a more specific sub-type:

Social Anhedonia

Social anhedonia is the withdrawal or isolation/exclusion from social activities. This brings about a disinterest or lack of pleasure in doing things of a social nature, like hanging out with friends, attending a party or event, avoiding malls and other public places. Social anhedonia may possibly related to isolation and loneliness, because you don’t care about anything that has to do with socializing. As humans, we are sustained by social interactions – there is a need for being in the presence of others and communicating with them. This is vital for our physical and mental well-being. 

Physical Anhedonia

Our ability to receive comfort from touch or be intimate is greatly diminished because of physical anhedonia. If you are a person who enjoys physical activities such as playing sports, exercising, or even sex, developing physical anhedonia can be extremely detrimental to your mental well-being. Causes of physical anhedonia can be trauma, physical disabilities, or sexual dysfunction.

Another factor of physical anhedonia can be attributed to your other senses – eating, smelling, hearing and seeing. You may experience a lack of enjoyment and pleasure from eating your favorite foods, inhaling nostalgic scents, listening to music, or watching movies. Your feeling of “I don’t care about anything” can even cause you to neglect your body.

How Anhedonia Occurs – The Neuroscience Behind It

Scientists and researchers believe that anhedonia occurs as a result of a few factors combined: dysfunction in our brains’ reward systems, environmental factors, and vulnerable genes. 

In simpler words, a broken reward system in our brains can’t make us feel pleasure (reward) from doing and feeling things. Environmental factors (such as trauma or grief) may give us a negative feeling about doing things. And if we also have vulnerable genes, our brain’s reward system is tricked into ignoring pleasurable things. 

This creates an abnormal reward system, where we don’t feel much of anything, even if good things are happening – we stop feeling pleasure from doing things we used to love!

Break Through Anhedonia with This Exercise!

Do you need a change of scenery from this “I don’t care about anything” mood? Great, let’s get off our asses and actually try to enjoy the things we love, while kicking anhedonia to the curb!

This exercise is adapted from Dr. Robert Duff’s book, F*** Depression. With a name like that, you know it’s not just ordinary advice from a psychologist! Here’s what you need:

1. Pen
2. Paper
3. Motivation (Urgh!)

Step 1

So, on your piece of paper, write down 10 things that you have enjoyed doing in the past. Things that brought you pleasure, happiness, joy – all the warm fuzzies. If you’re struggling in self-isolation due to coronavirus, this list should consist of things you enjoy which can be done indoors.

You can list these in any order. Let’s not be lame and write boring things. 

Think about stuff you actually did that made you laugh, that you have great memories of! No matter how little you can feel right now, you have definitely felt good at some point in life — even inside the house.

The reason for this is to identify the things that once made you feel alive, but which you now probably can’t imagine yourself doing (since they now give you little enjoyment, or since you’re stuck in the house).

You can check out my personal list below.

Step 2

Once you’ve got your list ready, think about how much excitement, happiness and pleasure each of these activities bring you and rate each one. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 1 being “it completely sucks” and 10 being “this rocks my world”), write the level of enjoyment each activity brings you — as if they were all completely effortless. This is how I rated my activities:

Step 3

Next, think about how difficult the activity is for you to do – like how much effort, time, planning goes into actually doing it. So again, from 1 to 10 (with 1 being pretty easy and 10 being “Hell NO”), rate each activity on your list.

See my list below. In contrast to how much pleasure these activities (used to) bring you, you can also see how difficult they are to do.

Step 4

Now comes the fun part – okay, maybe more introspection than fun. Last step! In this part of the exercise, you want to find the tradeoff between your enjoyment and the effort required to do each thing.

To do this, subtract (minus) the effort rating from the enjoyment rating. For example, on the activity of reading a book, my enjoyment rating is 5 and my effort rating is 2. Therefore, the value of my activity is 3 (5 – 2 = 3). Do this for each of your activities like below.

The Result

After you’ve found the tradeoff “value” for each activity, look at the activities with the highest value number. These will likely be the easiest for you to accomplish, while bringing you the most enjoyment. 

Now the key is to act on these activities, even if you have to force yourself. Start planning to do your high value activities as soon as possible, because they have the best chance at bringing you some enjoyment.

Doing the easier and more pleasurable ones first may motivate you to keep going. This way, you can build your brain’s reward systems back up, until you start magically wanting to do things off the list!

But just saying you’re going to get it done doesn’t work! Turn your piece of paper around and write down the dates and times for you to try each thing you used to love. Hold yourself to these dates and try your best to just try doing them – even if you bail after 5 or 10 minutes, you tried!

Moral support available right here! Actually trying this stuff can be the hardest part of healing from anhedonia.

The purpose of this exercise is to kick anhedonia to the curb. So even if you don’t start enjoying things at first go – keep trying and be consistent.

Once you’re sort of enjoying the highest value activities, try to work on those lower value ones too. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and have patience. With some effort, you really can recover your ability to care about things!

If you need some moral support or motivation to tackle your anhedonia, we’re here 24/7 to chat.

The post Don’t Care About Anything? Enjoy Life Again, Through COVID-19 appeared first on Supportiv.

Even if some teachers haven’t been personally accosted with the sentiment, our society has been steeped in the message that “those who can’t do, teach.” This stigma leads teachers to feel undervalued and criticized for their struggles during the pandemic.

If I return to the classroom, how will my family stay safe? (They won’t.)

How do I adapt my curriculum to Zoom? (Through trial and error.)

What keeps a first grader engaged through a remote school day? (Nothing.)

Instead of speaking for teachers, as many decision-makers seem to be doing, Supportiv wanted to get to the roots of the real problems for teachers, and hear about the solutions that seem to be working.

Teachers’ Struggles Must Be Honored

To learn about the struggles of teaching during a pandemic, firsthand, Supportiv interviewed a number of elementary through middle school teachers across the country — anonymously, so that interviewees could speak openly.

One anonymous teacher summarizes the emotional dilemma quite well: “You need your job, and you want to help, but…you don’t get paid well enough to self-isolate from your family, and society doesn’t seem to hold your skills in very high regard.”

“It’s extremely invalidating. It’s like people think you only have to know sixth grade math in order to teach sixth grade math.” There’s a lot more to it, and that’s part of why teachers are struggling right now.

The vast majority of teachers were trained for in-person instruction, plain and simple. So the transition to remote education cuts through uncharted territory, rife with pressure, anxiety, and responsibility for the future of America’s students.

Teachers know how the child’s brain works in a classroom setting — even then, kids are nuanced and unpredictable. So how do kids process information when it’s solely through a screen? How can teachers keep students on their toes and get information across? Figuring that out for your Zoom classroom is like being a sheriff in the Wild West.

How could that not impact you emotionally? How do you feel when your job suddenly becomes entirely different from what you were trained for, and you have little say in what changes take place?

What does this all feel like from a teacher’s perspective?

“Not educated to do this.”

“Imposter syndrome.”

“Unprepared to help those who depend on me.”

“Helpless because I have no power over the choices of the educational system.”

As one teacher interviewed puts it:

“There is nothing I can do right in this situation. Teachers have always been undervalued, but now we’re suddenly responsible for sacrificing our lives and families’ to return the world back to normal in the middle of a pandemic? We care about the kids, and most of us will answer when duty calls — if and when we’re allowed to return to in-person instruction.

“But we aren’t crazy to feel reluctant. We’re being asked to sacrifice our own wellbeing for a job we didn’t sign up for, for a wage that isn’t enough to care for ourselves.”

Another interviewee opines: “This is the opposite of why I chose this job.” Most teachers are in it for the human interaction part. Over Zoom, it’s not the same.

“When my students’ parents talk to me about the state of affairs at my school, they talk as if I’m the one that did it. As if I had a choice about the school’s policy.”

Teachers bear the brunt of criticism toward the educational system, even in pandemic times. If anything goes less-than-optimally, teachers are blamed, rather than the system which constrains them.

“I know I can say no to going back, but then I’m left with no income, a ton of guilt, and the anger of my students’ parents.”

The moral of the story? Let’s have patience with each other — especially with our teachers. Let’s cultivate empathy and understanding. Parents are definitely struggling right now; but teachers are here to help, and they’re having a hard time, too.

4 Ways To Honor Your Struggle Of Pandemic-Teaching

1. Take it one week at a time.

The biggest advice from one of the teachers interviewed by Supportiv: “Take it one week at a time.”

Amy Weinstein, fourth grade teacher in the Bay Area, elaborates based on her Spring 2020 experience:

“At the beginning of shelter-in-place orders, I avoided cabin fever by diving deep into lesson planning. I was excited by the challenge to adapt and complete the year’s curriculum. But since school policy ceaselessly adapted to official messaging as the pandemic unfolded, most of my detailed plans became obsolete.”

Nobody knows what to expect as this school year plays out. We don’t know what will happen politically, economically, or with the virus. So whatever your plans are — plan for them to change. Official guidance or school policy could shift, and if you take your time to thoroughly prepare for the next 6 weeks, you may be crushed when plans change.

Instead of over-planning, teachers should encourage themselves to take breaks and rest, so they can continue rolling with the punches. This upcoming school year will take stamina if nothing else.

2. Know that you may not want to do important stuff after the day ends — even if it’s “just” zoom.

Multiple teachers mentioned the inability to do chores, grocery shop, and exercise on school days during the first round of distance learning. Hobbies, relationships, and sometimes even physical self care can fall to the wayside as teachers are pushed beyond their mental and emotional limits, within their own homes.

Before the pandemic, “85 percent of teachers reported that work-life imbalance was affecting their ability to teach.” Now, that number is up to a whopping 95% according to some sources. If teachers are too stressed to teach, then no one wins.

High expectations about your remote-teaching productivity set you up for pressure and disappointment. So, plan according to the reality. Assume that you won’t have energy to do any more than the bare minimum on school days.

Plan to choose from a set of self-care, relaxation, or mindfulness activities that help you feel recharged. Or just do something fun. Every weeknight, give yourself permission to do these things, or just to rest all evening. Don’t fret: you can use a chunk of the weekend to accomplish your list of higher-energy to-do’s.

3. Create a comfortable and customized teaching space.

Set up your favorite things around you, so that you feel you’re at least getting something out of WFH.

• Computer charger
• Phone charger
• Extra pillows to cushion your “back and bum”
• Water and fun drink or two
• Snack with protein, and something crunchy for jaw stress
• SOMETHING TO FIDGET WITH
• A plain wall for zoom virtual backgrounds, which serve multiple purposes (see below)

4. Shore up your boundaries ahead of time.

Zoom backgrounds, most importantly, help you maintain your boundaries while working from home. You might not care whether your students see into your personal life, but maintaining some distance may aid your peace of mind.

This strategy allows you, as a teacher, to control what parts of your life students see, and removes some of the pressure of remote instruction. It allows your room to remain your room, instead of your (class)room.

Secondly, you can use Zoom backgrounds to shock everyone back to attention, or to set the mood for a particular remote lesson.

While you’re at it, set boundaries for your students within Zoom lessons so you’re not constantly putting out fires. No name changes, no inappropriate backgrounds, no private chats, etc.

5. Have a venting buddy.

When frustration threatens to boil over, identify a friend who welcomes the griping. Airing your grievances as they crop up is known to bolster emotional wellbeing; in the home stretch of 2020, you’ll certainly need that boost.

Shoot off a snarky text, snap your most exasperated reactions, or even visit an online forum to vent.

There’s also always Supportiv, where you’re connected with peers in similar situations, to chat 24/7 and anonymously. You can always find an understanding ear in the moment, and that support can make the difference between resilience and collapse.

The post Teachers: Start The Year By Honoring Your Struggle In 5 Steps appeared first on Supportiv.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s figure out what you’re going to do.

If you’ve heard of Isaac Newton, you’ve probably heard of inertia — the tendency for an object’s trajectory to remain unchanged.

While human behavior isn’t quite that simple, it’s true that we tend to stick to what we know. Unfortunately, that means that when we don’t know what we are going to do, we can get stuck. Then, moving forward seems impossible. 

Whether it’s your next step in this day or your next step in life, we’re here to help you break the inertia. If you’re stuck wondering, “What am I going to do?” then you’re in the right place.

Figure out what to do by finding the reason why you don’t know what to do, on this page. It could be that you’re indecisive, grieving, fighting with family, or just plain overwhelmed:

• I’m overwhelmed: 3 Approaches
• I can’t make a decision: 3 Steps To Help
• I’m fighting with friends or family: 3 Things To Do
• I’m uncertain about my future: Make the Most of Right Now
• I’ve lost someone: Baby Steps You Can Take

Scroll down the list, or click to jump to what speaks to you, and you’ll get a few initial steps you can try to get unstuck.

I’m Overwhelmed: 3 Approaches

Cognitive Approach: Make A To-Do List

Sometimes your thoughts get tangled up like a set of headphones you left in your pocket too long. You have so much on your mind and don’t know where to start unpacking it all. “What am I going to do?!?!”

When you’re overwhelmed and don’t know what you are going to do, make a to-do list. The simple act of writing things down helps you feel more organized, in control, and prepared. 

Once you’ve got your list, you can play with the order of your tasks until you’re comfortable. For instance, if you’ve got a huge paper to write, break it down into sections. Or, if you aren’t feeling motivated, start with something small to give your energy a kick-start (how many cups and bowls are sitting in your bedroom…?) .

Physiological Approach: Relaxation Exercises

Our bodies have a stress response that is super helpful when we need to run for our lives. Not so much when we have a big test to study for and we’re so anxious we can’t focus.

When you feel too restless and tense to get anything done, start by calming your body. 

There are tons of breathing exercises out there, but an easy one to start with is 4-7-8 breathing. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8. Repeat.

This type of slow, deliberate breathing signals to your body that there is no impending threat and allows your muscles to relax.  

Progressive muscle relaxation is another effective and easy technique for winding down. For each part of your body one-by-one, squeeze your muscles to tense up and then release to relax. This will help you concentrate and then release your pent-up energy.

Behavioral Approach: Just Do Something

You ever have so much to do that you just decide to take a nap instead?

Sometimes thinking of everything we have to do feels so draining and stressful that we can’t even bring ourselves to do the easy things.

Then we just kind of do nothing and feel bad about it, which makes us even less likely to want to do things. When this happens, using the behavioral activation technique can help. 

The idea behind behavioral activation is that our avoidance will continue to compound until we change it.

The technique is simple: pick one thing, and just do it. Separate it from everything else you have to do. It is your one goal right now. Go for a walk. Call a friend. Sweep the floors.

Once you do any one thing, chances are you’ll feel better, have more energy, and be more motivated to continue.

I Can’t Make A Decision: 3 Steps To Help

Step 1: Pros and cons list. It sounds cliché, but writing out all the benefits and drawbacks of your options allows you to process the details of your decision and get some clarity going forward. 

Step 2: Get a sounding board. It can be a family member, a friend, or a stuffed animal. It doesn’t really matter what they say. What’s important is your chance to verbalize your inner thoughts — sometimes we don’t realize what we really think until we hear ourselves say it out loud. 

If you can’t find an adequate sounding board in person, you can always turn to online communities or services (like the anonymous peer support chats at Supportiv).

Step 3: Trust your gut. You’ve written out all the pros and cons, and you’ve talked through the decision. You know all the details and what they mean to you.

Look at your list and then listen to what you feel toward each option. Your instinct is there for a reason. Go with what feels best and don’t second guess yourself.

I’m Fighting With Friends or Family: 3 Things To Do

Contextualize. Before you work through the problem, make sure you’re thinking about it realistically. People tend to let issues snowball in their mind until they seem unsolvable.

For example, if your best friend snaps at you, you might think “they seem mad at me,” then “maybe I’ve been a bad friend to them,” then “I guess I’m not a very good person.”

But take note: “I’m not a good person” is miles away from “they snapped at me.” Make sure to focus on the issue at hand and avoid ‘fortune telling‘. 

Communicate. When expressing your feelings to others, use “I” statements. When we tell people “you made me feel bad,” it makes them defensive and likely to disagree with our thoughts.

Leave accusations out of the conversation; explain what you feel, not what they did. 

Listen. Recognize that they also have a different perspective. Ask them how they interpreted the situation. Ask how they feel about it. Ask what they want to happen next.

You don’t have to agree with them, but coming from a place of understanding is much better than trying to debate the validity of each other’s feelings.

I’m Uncertain About My Future: Make the Most of Right Now

Make A Plan

If you’re not sure what you want to do for your career, start by thinking about what have been your biggest challenges and goals. What have you overcome? Where have you succeeded? Can you make a career out of helping others do the same? 

Tease out your values, goals, and ideal lifestyle. Then figure out what your priorities are — income, location, self-employment, big vs. small company, advancement opportunities, personal growth, working with others or alone, travel opportunities, etc.  

Ask yourself what you don’t like. Figuring out what you want to avoid can help you realize what you want to fight for.  

Do your research. Once you’ve identified your priorities, start searching for jobs that fit them. Read up on how to start your own business, or what jobs you can do from the comfort of your own home, or about moving to a big city to get a fast-paced career.

Narrow your list down to the jobs that fit you the best, and start emailing!

Practice Acceptance

No matter how much preparation we put ourselves through, some parts of our future are out of our hands.

Sometimes we don’t have the ability to relocate, or access higher education, or take a financial risk. Sometimes we do have the ability to do so, but we’re afraid it’ll be a mistake.

Regardless, the future can be host to a lot of anxiety. This is where acceptance comes in. 

Remind yourself that you’ve handled everything that’s come your way so far. Even if you end up somewhere other than you expect or hope to be, you will be able to make the best of it.

Look for joy in everything you do, and always keep your eye out for opportunities for personal growth and change. You’ve got a lot of time to figure out your whole life. Take it slow. Nothing is permanent.

I’ve Lost Someone: Baby Steps To Take

Many people report an initial feeling of numbness after a loss. Breakups, ending friendships, and death make us redefine who we are and what our place is in the world without the other person. It’s easy to feel stuck or lost in this process.

First and foremost, time will be your best friend and worst nightmare. It may take weeks, months, or years to feel better again, but eventually — you will. Until then, make sure to take care of yourself. 

• Visit the doctor regularly. Loss can cause or worsen physical illness, and it can be difficult to take care of yourself when experiencing grief. As best as you can, keep goals of eating well, exercising, and staying on top of your health. Take a walk whenever you can. 
• Allow yourself to feel. Repressing emotions is unhealthy, stressful, and ineffective. Speak your feelings to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or support group (Supportiv is a good place to start). 
• Take a step. In any direction. Cook yourself a homemade meal. Go to the movies. Clean the house. Read a book. When you feel like you can’t do anything, pick one simple thing and do it. Remind yourself of your strength, determination, and will. If you can take one step, you can finish the walk.

Moving Forward When You Don’t Know What To Do

Still asking, “What am I going to do”? If you need a blanket statement about figuring out how to move forward, it would be this:

1) be honest and thorough in thinking about your options, 2) trust yourself, and 3) start small.

Once you start moving again, it’ll be easier to keep going. Practice acceptance, self-kindness, and patience. Don’t go through it alone. And lastly: don’t give up.

The post Help! What Am I Going To Do? Ways To Keep Moving Forward appeared first on Supportiv.

In this guide, we discuss where anger comes from, how to understand your own anger, and how to use anger as motivation for healing. Healing from anger is very different from ignoring or stuffing it down.

Additionally we want to note that while this article may also apply to feelings of anger in everyday life, anger at systemic injustice is a different story. It shouldn’t be on you to manage these feelings; the pressure is on the entire system to change. 

We will stop being angry about injustice in America, especially toward Black and POC communities, when there is fundamental positive change toward equality and fair treatment.

The function of anger

Negative emotions signal that a change is necessary. In whatever way we can, we want to change our lived experience to decrease the sadness, frustration, loneliness, or anger that we feel. Most of these negative emotions trigger an avoidance response, meaning an increased motivation to escape obstacles or situations. Anger, on the other hand, triggers an approach response, meaning an increased motivation to overcome obstacles or change situations. 

Because of anger’s motivational capacity, anger is often a useful emotion that results in:

• increased effort toward reaching goals
• increased investment of time and money
• increased drive to change other people’s behavior

As such, anger serves to catalyze individual and societal change. Without anger, we would be more passive people, missing a key driving force toward improvement.   

When anger becomes self-destructive

However, when we are unable to use our anger to make changes in our life or the world, it internalizes and begins to tear us down from the inside out. Anger, which starts as a driving force for external change, becomes a lingering internal emotion that only frustrates and hurts. Unfortunately, Black and POC Americans may even experience the intergenerational impacts of internalized righteous anger and frustration. (This even holds true in colored communities across the globe, for example, folks of Aboriginal descent in Australia)

Here are some of the signs of more serious issues that can occur when anger remains unprocessed: 

• you feel frustrated, lost, and stuck
• you feel your anger is out of control
• your anger damages your relationships
• your anger leads you to do or say things you regret
• your body hurts after you get angry
• you regularly feel like you’re going to explode

In these cases, your held-in anger is unleashed on your own wellbeing, escaping by unproductive outlets that will do nothing to change the root cause of your frustration. The combination of negative consequences and a lack of positive changes can further increase feelings of anger, creating a destructive loop. To break the cycle and get back to the root of your feelings, anger must be reflected on and processed.

The biggest tip for harnessing righteous anger: use it to motivate healing

Use it to motivate healing.

When you’re the victim of injustice, anger can be used to self-motivate. If nobody is going to treat you how you deserve, you had better learn to assert your boundaries, understand your own needs, and advocate for yourself. These are all aspects of more general emotional healing that can help put righteous anger to use.

In reflecting on infuriating circumstances, pay special attention to your desired outcomes. Start with outcomes that relate to your personal wellbeing. In the wake of large-scale injustice, your ultimate goal is systemic change, but talking about your anger might bring you the peace you need to continue fighting. Letting things out and processing tough emotions may help you cope with your anger, while you work toward the change that can heal it.

Lastly, do not let your anger compound by getting frustrated with yourself for feeling the way you do. People tend to think hiding their anger is the right thing to do; but when you’re angry at objectively unfair and biased treatment, anger becomes a tool for creating change. Anger is normal and understandable, and it can confirm a gut feeling that you’re being mistreated.

 To channel intense feelings, embrace your righteous anger as a motivator, and as the antidote to gaslighting. 

NPR provides a list of ways to channel righteous anger into productive change, here.

“As discussions about police violence and systemic racism continue, African American leaders say it’s crucial for people to find a way to safely process both historical and current events and get help when they need it,” according to this article. And Black mental health leaders are actively working to create healing spaces to turn to in these threatening times.

Remember to give yourself patience and time — processing anger isn’t easy or simple. Especially not when it’s so deeply justified, and when Brianna Taylor’s killers have still not been arrested. No justice, no peace.

The post Healing From Injustice By Channeling Righteous Anger appeared first on Supportiv.

Are you looking for a peer who understands your situation because they’ve been there too? A psychologist? A psychiatrist? What’s the difference? And how do you know if your insurance will cover it? Use the jump-list of topics, or browse to find simplified answers to your questions, below.

Using Insurance To Get Mental Healthcare

• Mental healthcare and insurance: an overview
• Mini-glossary of insurance terms
• How to determine your mental health coverage
• Finding a covered mental health provider
• Figuring out what you want from a provider
• Questions to ask your potential provider
• How billing works for in-network mental health care
• How to get reimbursed for out-of-network mental healthcare (the dreaded superbill…)
• Getting mental healthcare on behalf of your dependent
• Medicaid/Medicare coverage for mental health
• How to ensure you get quality care

No-Insurance Alternatives For Getting Help

• Overview
• Self-help books and guides
• Online interventions
• Free clinics and low-cost providers
• University training clinics
• Employee assistance programs
• Research studies
• Community support groups

Clear your head in a chat before digging in?

Using Insurance To Get Mental Healthcare

Mental health care is hard to come by in the United States. Good mental health care is even rarer. Unfortunately, there is currently a shortage of MH professionals across the board. Many U.S. counties have few or no professionals available, and many of the professionals that are available have full caseloads.

Those who do find access to mental health care often find themselves jumping through insurance hurdles to start and continue their care. Many are surprised with denied claims and large bills. Because of the abundance of insurance options out there, and the variation in coverage among them, it’s a messy system. Here, we’ll help you navigate it. 

Mini-glossary of insurance terms

Here is a short glossary of terms that may be useful in understanding your health care coverage. 

Allowed amount — the maximum amount that an insurer will pay for a given service

Brand name — medications that are sold under a specific name and are patented, and usually cost more

Claim — a request for your insurance to cover some or all of the cost of the service accessed

Coinsurance — the percent of the total cost that you are responsible for paying, usually after you’ve met your deductible

Copayment — a fixed amount that you pay each time you access a particular service

Deductible — if you access any care, you’ll be responsible for paying 100% of the allowed amount for the service until you’ve reached the deductible amount, at which point your insurance begins to pay

Generic — medications that have the same exact ingredients as their brand name counterparts, but usually cost less

In network — providers within your insurance plan’s network, which will usually cost less for you 

Out of network — some plans allow providers outside of your insurance plan’s network, which are partially covered, but will usually cost more for you

Preauthorization — for some care options and medications, your insurance needs to issue an approval before you can access the service

Premium — you or your employer will pay this amount for your insurance regardless of what services you use

Referral — a request by your primary care provider on your behalf for a specialist service, which is sometimes needed to access certain types of care

Bonus: What’s the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?

There is a great full article on the differences, here. In short, remember that both can diagnose mental health conditions, and both can provide treatment; however, psychiatrists can prescribe medications and often don’t have much time to talk, while psychologists offer counseling and other behavioral interventions, as well as psychological testing.

If you’re just looking for someone to listen, 24/7, anonymous peer support chats might be a good choice in the moment.

How to know if your insurance covers mental health

Traditional mental health care rests in the hands of psychologists, therapists, and psychiatrists. Typically, this type of care will require insurance to be affordable. Below, we answer common questions about accessing and affording mental health care. First, you probably want to know what kind of care will be covered for you. 

If you have an insurance plan, look on your insurer’s website to find a coverage sheet. There, you should be able to find information about in- and out-of-network coverage, copays, deductibles, and more.

Unfortunately, interpreting this information can be difficult. On the back of your insurance card, you should see phone numbers for different kinds of care. Reach out to the number associated with MH care (or general care) and ask them to walk you through their specific coverage.

A good rule of thumb is that if you’re covered for medical care, you can use that coverage to see a Psychiatrist – who is a type of specialist MD. If your plan offers separate coverage for counseling and mental health, therapy visits may be covered as well.

For those who know they don’t have good mental health coverage, you may want to skip to our section on getting help without mental health insurance.

Specific questions you might want to ask:

1. Which mental health services does my plan cover?
2. Does my plan cover both psychiatrist and psychologist/therapist visits?
3. How much is my deductible for in-network mental health care? 
4. How much of my deductible have I already met? 
5. How much is the copayment for in-network mental health care? 
6. Is there a limit on how much I have to pay out-of-pocket per year? 
7. Is there a limit on how many sessions are covered per year? 
8. Do I need preauthorization or a referral to access mental health care? 
9. Is [specific provider] covered by my plan? 

When you do eventually select a provider, double check with their office (not just the insurance company) to make sure you’re covered. You don’t want a surprise bill for a service you think is covered, but really isn’t. A provider should be able to clearly tell you what kind of coverage you’ll have for their help. 

Coverage not so great? Talk to peers who have been there.

Finding a covered provider

Check Psychology Today’s find a therapist tool to see providers in your area. You can also select the dropdown box that says “therapist” to change your search to psychiatrists, treatment centers, and support groups. After submitting your search, you can select the “insurance” button to narrow the results by your plan. 

Not every provider will be on the Psychology Today website. Also try the American Psychological Association’s search tool. 

Many health insurance plans also include a doctor search tool in the patient portal. This may simplify the process of finding a clinician who actually accepts your coverage.

Figuring out what you want from a provider

So you found a few mental health providers near you who might be a good fit. After narrowing down a few good candidates, you’ll want to check in with yourself about important traits in a provider. This person will be your partner and advocate in healing, and you might want to ask yourself the following:

• How accessible do I need them to be? Do they invite clients to text or call during crises? Do I want someone with flexible scheduling, or a fixed weekly time slot?
• Do I have transportation to their office? Do they offer video visits or telehealth?
• Will they submit to insurance for me, or do I have to prepare and/or submit a superbill?
• Does the provider’s gender or sexual identity matter to me?
• Do I have a unique situation I need the provider to have experience with?
• What do I want from therapy? Do I prefer when someone listens quietly, or when someone takes a more active role in helping?

Questions to ask your potential provider

No two providers are alike. Here’s a list of questions you can ask your potential provider to help determine if they’ll be a good fit for you. 

• What is your treatment orientation? 
  • Cognitive behavioral, psychodynamic, eclectic, etc 
• What are your areas of expertise? 
• What is your approach to therapy?
• How would we decide on treatment goals? 
• What does a typical session look like?
• What kind of homework would I do after sessions, if any?
• Do you have experience with [my specific situation]?
  • Specific problems or disorders, race/cultural issues, LGBT issues, etc.
• Are you more directive or reflective? 
• Do you tend to see patients short-term or long-term? 
• How often do you usually see patients? 
• Do you accept [insurance plan]? 
• Do you think we are a good fit? 

How billing works for in-network care

If your insurance covers therapy or psychiatry, you’ll be eligible for in-network care. For in-network care, you’ll directly pay your provider the copay (or the full allowed amount until you meet your deductible) at each session. Your provider will then bill your insurance for the rest of their payment.

You shouldn’t have to do anything for the billing process, but it’s a good idea to keep an eye out for denied coverage or other issues with your insurance’s payment. 

How to get reimbursed for out-of-network mental healthcare (the dreaded superbill…)

If you are seeing an out-of-network provider, and you have out-of-network benefits, you’ll likely need to submit superbills for your sessions. In this situation, you pay your provider directly and in full, and then after submitting a superbill, you’ll get reimbursed by your insurance. Sometimes the provider can submit the superbills for you, but you’ll likely need to do it yourself. A full guide to getting reimbursed can be found here, or see a checklist for creating your own super bill, below.

Creating your own therapy super bill

To create a superbill, search for a template or make your own. If you’re making your own, you’ll need the following information: 

1. Identifying information: Your name, date of birth, address, phone number, and any other information the insurer requires.
2. Practice information: The name of the practice where you receive services, the office address, and any other identifying information the insurer routinely requests (e.g. EIN, NPI, and/or license number of the therapist). 
3. Referrer identification: If a medical provider referred you to your therapist, include the referring provider’s information and address, as well as their National Provider Identification (NPI) number. If you don’t know this number, ask the provider who referred you. 
4. ICD code: Your ICD code identifies your mental health diagnosis. If you don’t know your ICD code, ask your therapist. 
5. Date of service: The month, day, and year of your visit. 
6. CPT code: Your CPT code identifies which treatment procedures you have received. If you don’t know your CPT code, ask your therapist. 
7. Description of service: The name of the service associated with the CPT code. 
8. Cost of service: What you paid your therapist for this visit. 
9. Place of service code: The type of location where you received services. 

Again, a complete guide for filing a super bill can be found here. 

Care on behalf of your dependent

What happens when you’re trying to get care for someone else, who is on your insurance plan? Talk to your insurance provider and your potential mental health care provider to make sure your child or spouse is actually covered under your plan.

The hard part comes in picking a therapist or psychiatrist on behalf of someone else. We don’t always fully understand our child’s or partner’s needs, even if we have their best interests at heart.

If you’re trying to help your partner, try to make it an open dialog and guide them, rather than take the lead. They may just need a push to explore options on their own.

Alternatively, to decide on the right kind of therapist for your child, ask the potential provider these questions:

1. What kind of child-oriented training and experience do you have? 
2. How will we communicate about my child’s progress? 
3. How long should I expect my child to be in therapy with you?
4. What are your thoughts on medication? (if applicable)
5. What type of therapy do you use most? 
   • Play therapy, CBT, family therapy, etc.

Before taking your dependent to a therapist, make sure they understand what is going on. Talk with them beforehand to see if you can identify goals together. Ask them what they want out of therapy.

And if they don’t end up liking the therapist, listen to them. A substantial predictor of therapy success is the quality of the relationship between therapist and patient. If your child does not feel comfortable around their therapist, they likely will not benefit much from the sessions. Consider trying a few providers until your child finds a natural fit. 

Frustrated in the search? Venting helps.

How to ensure you get quality mental health care

To make sure you’ll receive quality care from your provider, vet them thoroughly before beginning sessions. Ask them questions to determine if they have the right background and skillset to help you. See if they’ve worked with other patients who have similar experiences and concerns. Ask yourself if you felt comfortable and heard during your initial introduction to the provider. 

If you’re already in therapy, and it isn’t going well, be honest with your therapist about your concerns. It can be uncomfortable to assert yourself, especially to a trained professional, but it is sometimes necessary in mental health care.

If your provider is making you feel uncomfortable, is using techniques that don’t work for you, or isn’t listening to you, tell them. See if you can explore solutions together to strengthen your patient-therapist relationship. Or, if you have a feeling it’s just not a good fit, find another provider.

For therapy to be beneficial, it’s essential for the patient and therapist to have a good relationship. Telling your therapist that it’s not working out can be particularly difficult, but they will understand. They, just like you, want you to receive the best care possible. 

Medicaid/Medicare

If you’d like insurance, but find it difficult to find a plan that works with your income, try applying for Medicaid or Medicare. Medicaid can help you pay for therapy if you have a low income, and Medicare can help if you are older or have a disability. 

No-Insurance Alternatives

So far we’ve mainly discussed the process for accessing mental health care through insurance. Luckily, if you’re one of the five million-plus Americans who have recently lost employment-linked health coverage, there are still mental health options out there for quality care–no insurance required. 

Self-help books and guides

Research comparing individuals that were assigned a self-help book with individuals receiving standard care has shown that self-help guides can be successful for mental health care.

Just be sure to choose one that is highly-rated, and ideally one with an evidence-based background, to make sure you’re getting a quality guide. Some of the books most highly rated by mental health care professionals are listed here and here. 

Also, remember that using a self help guide doesn’t mean you’re admitting defeat; you’re taking charge of your own wellbeing and happiness. Take self help books with a grain of salt, and use them as they fit you. There should be no feelings of pressure involved; you’re doing this for yourself!

Sharing plans with peers = Instant accountability. Just sayin’!

Online interventions

Nonprofit CIMHS has produced a free online therapy tool for depression, and Stony Brook’s Lab for Scalable Mental Health has produced free web-based interventions for children and teens. Smartphone apps that cover a range of mental health issues can be found here, many of which are free. 

Free clinics and low-cost providers

Try these provider lookup tools to find free clinics and low-cost mental health providers near you:

1. SAMHSA tool
2. Medicine Assistance tool
3. HRSA tool
4. Open Path Collective tool

University training clinics

The providers in university training clinics are graduate students studying psychology, who are supervised by advanced psychological professionals.

Training clinics usually have sliding-scale fees, so that no patient is paying more than they can afford to pay. These sessions tend to be much more affordable than traditional providers, especially if you don’t have insurance.

To find a university training clinic, search for universities near you and see if they have a graduate psychology program. 

Employee assistance programs

EAPs are employer-provider services for staff within a company or organization. Many states require employers to provide these services.

For instance, California State Employees’ EAP program is “offered at no charge to the employee and provides a valuable resource for support and information during difficult times, as well as consultation on day-to-day concerns.”

While limited in terms of care options, EAPs work independently from insurance and are usually free. If you need short-term care, check your employer’s EAP program to see what kind of services are available for you.

Many EAP programs provide a certain number of free counseling sessions per year, along with other resources to help mental health indirectly, such as financial planning advice and “consultation on day-to-day concerns.”

Research studies

Before interventions make their way to community providers, they have to be tested in a research setting. Many folks think of research trials as only medicine-related, but you can also join trials for free non-pharmaceutical treatments.

If you meet qualifying criteria, you can participate in research studies investigating novel therapies and treatment approaches. These will be free or even offer payment to incentivize participation! You can search for open studies on the NIH Clinical Trials website, or you can see if any research labs are recruiting by visiting college and university websites. To find these studies, search the clinical psychology faculty listing on the site, find the faculty’s lab page, and check there for any openings. 

Online Peer Support Chats

If you’d like to chat with people who know what you’re going through, support groups are the way to go. Ideally, you want a support group where there’s no fear of judgment, and where you don’t have to jump through hoops to join.

One example is Supportiv, which provides on-demand, low-cost, and highly accessible mental health support for all mental health concerns. Supportiv has been featured by Men’s Health, Oprah Magazine, and as a winner in the 2019 South By Southwest Pitch competition.

The first 24 hours are free for anyone, and it’s a good place to go if you need to talk, but aren’t yet sure about using your insurance for clinical care.

We hope this guide has helped you find options for your mental health care. Best of luck to you on your mental health journey. 

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