Easily adapt to coronavirus loneliness with these steps:

1. Make a List

You may feel like you’re lonely because you have no one to reach out to. Or those you regularly chat with in real life suddenly aren’t part of your daily routine, thanks to COVID-19.

Try challenging yourself by making a connection list or map. List names of family, friends, and acquaintances — with your name at the center. 

You can draw lines depending on how distant or close you feel to these people. Even if it’s been a while, you’ll have an idea of who you can reconnect with. And we promise you’ll see, you’re not as alone as you may think.

2. Find a Group

During social distancing and shelter-in-place, it can be hard to maintain your in-person support networks and hobby groups. However, online communities exist revolving around all kinds of niche interests.

Online connection will be a vital way to bridge the loneliness gap during COVID-19 isolation. No matter how random your interests are, you can find someone to share them with online.

Take the work out of community-building:

You might worry it’ll take time to re-build an online support system of folks who ‘get it.’ But one already exists, tailored by tech that connects you to other people who think like you. You can find a safe group to talk about your worries, concerns, and struggles online — in less than 2 minutes.

It feels reassuring and connecting to know others are thinking in similar ways.

3. Watch Something Engaging

Sometimes we feel lonely because we feel that we SHOULD be doing something or going out with friends. The silence of being by ourselves can be deafening. Try watching a show or a Ted Talk that speaks to what you’re thinking about lately.

Listening to others who are passionate about your interests can help you feel engaged and eliminate the feeling of solitude.

4. Embrace Your Embarrassing Side

The horror of being all alone can make us forget the benefits to having some space to ourselves. There are so many things you may not be able to do when others are around.

Sing, dance, or do some other embarrassing things that you can’t do while other people are watching! You may find some relief in the ability to be completely relaxed as yourself. 

5. Clean Your Room

Constantly going out for social gatherings can lead to chaos at home. There are jackets piled in the corner, no more clean clothes to wear, and your pillowcase definitely needs to be washed.

Use being alone to your advantage — tidy up your personal space and feel good about investing in self improvement. Making order out of chaos can also be really comforting, in itself.

6. Make a Playlist

Sometimes listening to just the right type of music can ease a lot of pain we feel. Songs can speak to us just like friends.

Get in touch with your emotions by playing some songs that fit your mood. Make sure to note which especially fit your lonely vibe; then put those into a personal Loneliness Soundtrack for next time you get extra lonely.

7. Reach Out To Someone Else Who’s Lonely

It’s easy to feel alone in feeling lonely. You probably know that from experience. So try reaching out to others who may also feel isolated.

Maybe a distant aunt, or your grandma for once! You’ll brighten their day, and feel less lonely, yourself.

By reaching out to another lonely person, you can both give and get support. If you can’t think of an old friend to call, try joining an online chat full of peers, right now, here.

You’re never more than 2 minutes from feeling understood and connected.

The post 7 Ways To Adapt To COVID-19 Loneliness appeared first on Supportiv.

Psychologists have noticed that people tend to shift their needs at certain stages in life, and that many share similar desires at similar life stages. For example, people between the ages of 19 to 40 tend to feel a strong desire for intimacy and interpersonal connections.

If this rings a bell, you may be going through what is known as the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage of Psychosocial Development.

The desire for meaningful connection is completely normal! After all, most things in life are more enjoyable when shared. But forming these connections can be quite an undertaking, and in this article, we’ll explore some ways you can get on track to achieve vulnerable and intimate relationships.

What Does Intimacy vs. Isolation Mean?

Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson and his wife Joan Erikson theorized that each person undergoes roughly nine stages of social development. The Intimacy vs. Isolation stage is the sixth stage that starts around age 19 and persists through most of adulthood. This stage encompasses the desire to form and maintain meaningful connections with others.

Some other components of Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development include Trust vs Mistrust as an infant, or Identity vs Confusion in the teenage years.

Intimacy

As the term implies, the intimacy part of the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage is defined as the desire to form meaningful connections. This doesn’t include solely romantic partners either, as this desire could be the desire for friendship or greater familial connections. Intimacy can be categorized differently depending on the type, such as:

-Physical Intimacy: This includes physical sensations such as touching, hugging, and sex
-Experiential Intimacy: The ability to enjoy leisure time with one another
-Emotional Intimacy: The feeling of mutual trust and kinship with others
-Cognitive or Intellectual Intimacy: The ability to freely communicate ideas and thoughts with another

Isolation

On the other hand, isolation is what those in the Intimacy versus Isolation stage struggle with. This struggle can manifest in a myriad of ways. Sometimes, the fear that nobody understands us can paralyze us from taking the necessary steps to connect. Or other times, the fear of rejection and remaining lonely can make us unlikely to take action.

What’s more is that loneliness has a myriad of biological effects on our brains. When we’re lonely for long periods of time, it causes stress on our brains that cause it to degrade at an accelerated rate, which in turn makes it even harder to find motivation to change.

It’s no wonder why isolation is such a struggle when both our bodies and our minds are fighting against us!

How Can I Move Toward More Intimate, Vulnerable Relationships?

Now that we know more about intimacy vs isolation, the hard part is how we overcome this hurdle. Fortunately, there are a few ways we can move away from isolation and toward the authentic, vulnerable connections we deserve!

What Are My Needs?

Before taking any action, it’s important to identify what your intimacy needs are. Everyone is different and has both different needs as well as different ways to meet said needs.

For some people in the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage, the desire for a romantic partner is strong. But for others, it could be the desire for intellectual peers, people you can enjoy hobbies with, or even stronger relationships with your family members.

It’s important to sit down and assess what your needs are, and from there, you can work out on how to meet those needs.

Where Am I Struggling?

Like with assessing your needs, it’s helpful to examine what you struggle with. When it comes to the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage, ask yourself where some of your fears and uneasiness come from.

Do you have trouble making friends? Why could that be? If you’re afraid of rejection, is there any reason why that’s the case? Identifying some of these problems is important for general self improvement as well as figuring out if there’s something you may need more help with.

Nobody is perfect, but there are always steps we can take to be a stronger person than the person we were yesterday.

What Do I Like?

The easiest place to start is with what you like. In a 2015 study, researchers examined some of the underlying factors of friendship chemistry. Some of these factors include personality similarity, reciprocal candor, and mutual interests.

The natural course of action is to ask yourself “what do I like?” From there you can look into different groups in your local area. Whatever you enjoy, there are bound to be others who also enjoy the same thing!

In addition, having common interests is an easy way to strike up conversation and meet some of your intimacy needs such as experiential and intellectual intimacy.

If there aren’t many local groups in your area, or you aren’t comfortable with face to face interaction yet, online interactions are also a great way to meet and interact with many like-minded individuals!

Your Next Steps

Finding intimacy while overcoming the fear of isolation is a monumental undertaking for any single person.

If you ever find yourself struggling to get back on track, don’t hesitate to reach out to understanding folks in an anonymous Supportiv chat.

People here get the need for intimacy vs. isolation. We’ll be there to listen and pick you right back up whenever you need it!

The post The Quest For Intimacy vs Isolation: How To Get On Track appeared first on Supportiv.

You deserve not to feel lonely. If none of these suggestions work for you, there are always understanding folks to talk to, any time of day, here.

[Note: as of early 2020, some of the below may not be options due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. However, Supportiv chats are always available when you feel lonely and need to talk.]

1. Start talking to strangers.

Talking to strangers (e.g. barista, bus driver, etc) has the anxiety-reducing benefit of being relatively low-stakes and consequence-free.

If you see the same barista, fellow commuter, or bus driver every day (even a couple times a week), you could start to smile. Then, if they seem friendly, start saying hi, and see where things go!

If nothing else, you will have at least tried to connect with this person you see so often.

And if you’re really bold, you could start striking up conversation with any stranger around – the person selling you groceries, or someone random on your morning walk.

2. Teach something that excites you.

At an old folks’ home, your local community center, or even by throwing a “PowerPoint Party”! You could also make a YouTube video, or ask a friend to do a “hobby exchange.”

You can teach a cool way you found to do an ordinary thing; or maybe how to do a hobby of yours; or share the history of some topic you can’t get enough of. When you’re interested, you become interesting, and others can pick up on that!

3. Become active in the comments of your favorite Youtube channels.

There’s a great feeling of community to be found in those with similar interests to yours. It can be a channel devoted to hobbies like sports commentary or cooking videos; or it can be something quirky and plain awesome like cat videos or ASMR.

Try putting your thoughts out there, and you may be surprised to find connection amongst the other fans of a channel! You could even start by throwing up a comment: “I’m so lonely.”

Maybe someone will relate, and you might bond over your shared interest and experience. (You can also bypass the public nature of YouTube comments by sharing here.)

4. Try online peer support.

Speaking of finding connection with like-minded people: if you’d prefer to connect over what you’re going through, rather than things around you, anonymous online chats at Supportiv can be a good place to turn.

5. Meet people while doing something you love.

You’ll get a confidence boost in the knowledge that you share a unique interest, and that melts the ice faster than anything!

6. Find your nearest animal shelter and enjoy some non-human company.

What’s the best antidote to the “I’m so lonely helpppp” feeling? Puppies. Cats, birds, snakes, rats. Whatever floats your boat. There are shelters in almost every county, many of which need volunteers to make sure animals get the right care.

That’s where you come in! Get some company while feeling a sense of purpose, and find a shelter near you. Call or email to ask about volunteer opportunities – or check their website for more information.

The post I’m So Lonely. What Can I Do To Feel Less Alone? appeared first on Supportiv.

Why are we all so lonely if we, in theory, have each other?

Are we individually responsible for our loneliness? Or is it a societal problem?

Our individual social skills can’t be solely to blame, especially when so many of us regularly feel alone.

We crunched the statistics on loneliness and found that there really is strength in numbers — the data suggest that feeling lonely isn’t a problem with you, but an effect of the world we live in.

Loneliness By The Statistics: A Roundup

• 75% of Americans report moderate to high levels of loneliness
• 9 million adults in the UK feel lonely
• 50% of Americans report feeling lonely sometimes or always
• More than half a million people in Japan spend 6 months alone at home without any outside contact
• 7.2% of Europeans reported feeling socially isolated

What does this mean?

It means that loneliness isn’t a one person, one country issue. It means that of 4 friends you have, 3 of them are probably lonely.

It means that social isolation is widespread and rampant, clearly becoming a global issue. Yet so few people talk about it.

Loneliness By Age Group

• 94% of Baby Boomers feel outgoing and friendly
• 84% of Baby Boomers felt they belong to a group of friends
• Baby Boomers have a loneliness score of 38.6 out of 80

• 75% of Gen Zers felt outgoing and friendly
• 70% of Gen Zers felt they belong to a group of friends
• Gen Zers have a loneliness score of 48.3 out of 80

What does this tell us?

Millennials are more likely to be lonely than Baby Boomers, and Gen Zers lonelier than both. It means that you’re more likely to be lonelier than your parents, and your grandparents. Calling loneliness a simple lack of social skills doesn’t add up. There must be a bigger driving force making all of us so lonely.

Statistics on Loneliness and Friendships

• 1 out of 4 people feel they have no confidants
• The average American only has 1 close friend
• Only 25% of Ameircans feel satisfied with their friendships
• 27% of Americans feel that no one understands them
• Only 53% of Americans report having meaningful interactions with friends or family on a daily basis

What does this say?

Loneliness has less to do with the number of friends we have or how often we hang out with people. Loneliness seems to relate to our ability to connect with others on a deeper level, even if there are people we could reach out to.

Statistics on Loneliness and Health

• 88% of those with everyday interpersonal interactions report good overall and mental health
• Only 50% of those with little to no interpersonal interactions report good health
• People who are lonely have a 26% higher risk of mortality than those who aren’t lonely
• Feeling lonely has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day
• People who report being lonely are more likely to be in worse health.

What does this tell us?

Loneliness has greater consequences than we may think. While it’s a social issue, loneliness can take a toll on our body as well.

We must begin to see loneliness as a serious social pattern that needs to be addressed immediately, or we risk our collective health as a consequence. All of us lonely people should stop feeling defective, and start looking at the social structures that keep us isolated.

So What?

We know that many people are lonely. The loneliness statistics say so.

We know that being lonely is bad for our mental and physical health. The medical and psychological research say so.

So what?

We must come to terms with the fact that loneliness is not an individual social issue, but rather a growing societal trend. As each generation grows lonelier than the last, we must realize that we are not approaching the loneliness epidemic in the right way.

And we need to see that our loneliness doesn’t make us broken, but that we do need to make some changes.

For the sake of our own physical and mental health, we must begin to take decisive action against loneliness. The next question is: how do we do this?

We’re working on the answer. Keep your eyes peeled for the rest of our series on Loneliness, where we dive into ways to fight the loneliness epidemic.

You’ll find articles with suggestions tailored to your specific situation. No one-size-fits-all tips here.

And in the meantime, consider talking about it – by talking about something deeply affecting you, you’re more likely to actually feel a connection!

Anonymous chats make it easy to open up, so consider reaching out at Supportiv.

The post Loneliness: It’s Not Just You appeared first on Supportiv.

Signs of chronic loneliness can include a lack of meaningful relationships, feelings of isolation, and more. This phenomenon has been growing in recent years due to myriad reasons, such as busier and more chaotic lifestyles and the stronger influence of online social media.

But despite this growing problem, we aren’t completely helpless! In this article, we’ll break down how loneliness affects us on a biological level, and from there, we can learn about steps to fight back against the chronic loneliness epidemic.

How Does Chronic Loneliness Affect Us?

Chronic loneliness has effects on the brain similar to major depression and post traumatic stress disorder. What all these have in common is they inflict a great deal of mental stress on us – and that causes biological changes over time.

Stress by itself doesn’t have to be problematic, but the issue arises when stress is prolonged over long periods, which is what happens when we experience chronic loneliness.

How Loneliness Changes Our Brain

In a study conducted in 2015 at the University of Chicago, researchers examined some of the differences between a healthy brain and the brain of someone experiencing chronic loneliness. Some of the differences include:

• Higher adrenal gland activation
• Higher activation of visual cortex and lower activation of temporo-parietal junction
• Lower activation of dorsomedial frontal cortex

Do you have to know what those all mean? No. Being aware of all these changes can be interesting in its own right. But each of these little changes have a profound effect on our thought processes and behavior. Let’s dig a little deeper to see how these effects of chronic loneliness actually impact us.

Higher Adrenal Gland Activation

Adrenal glands, as the name suggests, are related to adrenaline and the fight or flight response. When our adrenal glands are more active, it tends to manifest in us being hyper-aware or vigilant in most situations. This isn’t a bad thing by itself, but when they’re too active, it causes feelings related to paranoia or excessive thought even in relatively safe situations. When it comes to chronic loneliness, this makes sense because often the fear of making a mistake or the fear of being alone can make us feel afraid or more concerned about our actions.  

Higher Activation of Visual Cortex and Lower Activation of Temporo-parietal Junction

In our brains, the visual cortex and temporo-parietal junction are regions in charge of processing the things we see and experience.

These changes make an already difficult situation even harder to climb out of.

In the aforementioned research study, participants were shown pictures of non-threatening people and objects. Lonely individuals displayed higher activation of the visual cortex as well as lower activation of the temporo-parietal junction when viewing pleasant people, while non-lonely displayed the opposite.

Basically, lonely individuals generally didn’t have as strong a reaction when seeing even non-threatening people – they didn’t feel much of anything when they saw others.

This could be a reason why it’s hard to climb out of chronic loneliness. If we don’t feel much from people and social situations, it’s much harder to muster the effort to interact with others. 

Lower Activation of Dorsomedial Frontal Cortex

The dorsomedial frontal cortex plays many roles, such as in decision making, emotional regulation, and emotional responses.

In this study, participants were shown negative social scenes. When compared to non-lonely individuals, lonely individuals had lower activation of the cortex, which means they generally did not have a problem with negative social scenes, whereas non-lonely people did.

When it comes to chronic loneliness, this is another reason why it’s hard to take action against feeling lonely. No matter how badly we feel about being lonely, it’s just “normal”, and we feel less inclined to make a change.

Increased Cortisol Levels

In a different study conducted at Arizona State University, researchers examined cortisol levels in high school and college students who reported symptoms of chronic loneliness.

What they found was that participants with chronic loneliness also displayed elevated cortisol levels. Cortisol is also known as the stress hormone because it’s released in moments of stress and assists in regulating your mood, energy, and alertness.

But too much of it can be harmful to the brain. Continuous, elevated levels of cortisol can have the following effects on our brains:

• Disrupted synapses, which makes it harder for us to want to socialize and interact 
• Shrunken prefrontal cortex, making it harder to learn and adapt
• Harmed brain cells and hampered brain growth
• Increased amygdala size, which makes us more vulnerable and reactive to stress

The Brain and Neuroplasticity

You can see there are a lot of biological changes caused by loneliness. And all of these affect something called neuroplasticity. In short, neuroplasticity is our brain’s ability to grow.

A healthy brain with positive neuroplasticity has stronger dendrite connections, which helps the brain grow and adapt more quickly. On the reverse side, a brain with negative neuroplasticity can struggle to grow as quickly.

Chronic loneliness and its constant stress change our brains and take a major toll that negatively changes our neuroplasticity. As such, these changes make an already difficult situation even harder to climb out of, both from an emotional perspective as well as a biological one.

How Do I Fight Back?

As you can see, most of the feelings we experience with chronic loneliness have an underlying cause. It’s never your fault!

It can be difficult to manage chronic loneliness because its biological effects set off vicious emotional cycles. Biological changes related to loneliness can cause thoughts, that reinforce behaviors, that in turn reinforce the same thoughts.

However, all is not lost, as there are a few things we can do to deal with chronic loneliness. Some of these tools are simple, but every step helps to work back toward fulfillment and connection!

Get The Ball Rolling

One of the simplest changes we can make in our daily routines is to include more physical activity. Exercise is a common recommendation for those suffering with depression and anxiety, and it helps even if you only feel those ways because of loneliness.

Exercise helps because it releases hormones like epinephrine and dopamine that elevate our mood and stimulate brain growth. Since chronic loneliness can negatively affect our brain growth over time, getting as little as 20 minutes of exercise is the perfect counter – it rewires our neuroplasticity in a positive way.

There are many ways to get active other than by running. Try weightlifting, hiking, or even competitive sports – look into whatever interests you the most and get moving!

Diet

Another method to reverse negative neuroplasticity is to manage what you eat. An unhealthy diet can accelerate brain degradation, but cleaning up our diet goes a long way to improving the longevity of our brains.

In a study conducted in the Netherlands, researchers found that individuals with healthier diets displayed stronger brain growth over time compared to individuals who neglected what they ate.

Changing your diet doesn’t necessarily mean eliminating all tasty foods either. Small changes such as intermittent fasting or just cooking your own favorite foods can help a great deal. Making small changes to what you eat will go a long way to improving neuroplasticity and cognition.

Train Your Brain

Just like for your body, training your brain will do wonders for its overall health. Take a step back and think about anything you like to do that also gets you thinking.

Have you ever wanted to write a short story, or try your hand at composing music? Do you enjoy puzzles or video games? There are many things you can do that can stimulate your brain, and the more you put it to work, the healthier it will be in the long run.

Find a brain-building hobby you enjoy and keep at it, and you’ll be rewarded with loneliness-fighting neuroplasticity for years to come.

What Do You Do For Fun?

Previously we’ve discussed some of the ways you can help combat chronic loneliness, on your own. Whenever you’re ready, you can take the next, and most difficult step; meeting people.

One of the easiest ways to meet others is to take a look at what you enjoy doing – meeting people while doing it gives you an instant way to bond.

Whether it’s something as simple as going to the gym, or something seemingly complex like competitive gaming, there are always people who also enjoy what you do for fun. Do some research about local groups who have interests that line up with your own.

If that’s too much, or you have more obscure interests, the world wide web is a boundless resource you can use to meet and interact with people like you. Starting with something you have in common gives you a way to strike up conversations more easily and build a fun, healthy rapport.

Your Next Steps

Just because you’re alone, it doesn’t mean you’re powerless. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, and in time, you’ll be more than capable of fighting back against chronic loneliness.

If the loneliness feels too much to bear, you’re understood. It’s not fair to feel that way, and you don’t have to – you can always chat with good people here at Supportiv.

Even the most stalwart individuals need a helping hand sometimes, and we’re more than happy to help you in this journey.

The post Keep Chronic Loneliness From Affecting Your Brain and Body appeared first on Supportiv.

No matter why you enjoy being alone, it doesn’t always have to mean you’re lonely. 

Whether you’re a lone wolf, a misanthrope, or just like time to yourself, there might be some plus sides to solitary time, as long as you maintain a feeling of connection somewhere in your life.

What makes you enjoy being alone? What good can come from keeping to yourself? Let’s talk about why it’s helpful to be alone sometimes and when turning outward could be a better solution.

Why Some Enjoy Being Alone

Misanthrope or lone wolf, alone time might be an important part of your life. Any of the following might be valid reasons you enjoy being alone, but we also have suggestions to make connecting less inconvenient or bothersome.

You Hate Drama

Gossip and bickering seem petty and pointless. You wish people would be more mature and solve issues without the drama. And you certainly don’t want to be pulled into it.

Fix: Soap-opera dynamics don’t have to come along with a friend group. But connecting one-on-one can ensure you’re removed from the he-said-she-said.

Alternatively, you can be the model of sense for your group. Instead of enduring their drama, speak your mind to lead the group away from that kind of interaction.

People Annoy You Easily

The small things that others don’t notice bother you a lot. You find yourself holding back from pointing out mistakes or annoyances.

Fix: Sometimes you end up friends with people who don’t share your values, ideals, or standards. When they do things that highlight the mismatch, it feels annoying to us. This might be a good way to suss out which friends fulfill you, and which are better as acquaintances.

Other times, we get annoyed with others because they point out things we’d prefer not to think about. Try getting in touch with your authentic thoughts to see if that’s the case.

You Hate “Fakeness”

Speaking of authenticity: you wish everyone would stop throwing up a facade and just act as they really are. This is how you present yourself, and you want the same honesty from others.

Fix: What we don’t often see is what causes people to act “fake.” Most people-pleasing behaviors stem from childhood trauma, though the people pleasers may not even realize it, themselves.

Instead of fuming about their “fakeness,” try letting these people know they’re safe with you, and that they don’t have to be constantly nice or agree with you. It might take a while, but you might help them get in touch with themselves for the first time, ever! And that’s rewarding despite the effort.

You Don’t Relate To Anyone

When you do decide to try and make a friend, it’s hard to find someone you like. Nobody captures your attention, or you don’t really feel like hanging out is worth your time.

Fix: A lot of barriers can keep you from meeting “your people,” but your chances increase when you open yourself to the world. Express your honest feelings right when you meet someone – go ahead and make that comment you’re worried is nerdy. Or ask a personal question that’s burning through your brain.

It’s scarier to express yourself authentically than to agree with someone else’s controversial statement. So by taking that risk and letting out your real thoughts, you attract potential friends who think like you do!

The 4 R’s of Healthy Alone Time

While being lonely can have it’s perils, some benefits can come from occasionally spending time to yourself. Here are the four ways alone time can be helpful:

Restarting Time

Especially after a breakup, we may need some time before restarting our dating attempts. It’s healthy to pause before diving back into a new relationship.

We can restart romantic relationships much more effectively, after we’ve had a healthy break from them. It’s easier to find a good dating match when you have a clear idea of who you are, alone.

Recovery Time

Trauma can leave open wounds that take time to heal. Sometimes you just aren’t ready to dive back into social interactions where you have to cater to others.

Until you feel like your own needs are met, recovery is a priority. Just remember that others’ help is part of the recovery process. It’s ok to only talk about your struggle with people who make you feel safe and understood.

Reflection Time

The constant bustle of social interactions can make it difficult to hear our own thoughts. In contrast, being alone can help you look inside and assess your own emotions in a healthy way. So sometimes, it’s ok to enjoy being alone just for the level of mindfulness you can achieve.

Recharging Time

Work, school and daily life stressors can chip away at us. On the other hand, getting a little isolation can help us recharge.

This kind of alone time without responsibilities helps us connect with our thoughts, recharge our social energy, and return to the social world with full force.

Being Alone Is OK, As Long As It’s Your Choice…

The difference between feeling lonely and being alone is the choice.

Choosing between the two, in moderation, is the key. If you constantly opt for isolation, you may find it harder to reach out when you need it later.

The solution? Understand that humans are inherently social creatures. And that means you, too!

There are many benefits to being alone, but you must choose to balance isolation with quality connections with others. Take steps to close the gap between your social needs and the people available to you. Or, start reaching out in baby steps.

Seeking quality connections now? Join a chat here for support and understanding, without the hassle.

The post Alone vs. Lonely: To Those Who Like Being Alone… appeared first on Supportiv.

Too many “feeling alone” quotes make you feel like you can feel less lonely by sheer willpower. But they don’t really capture how it feels to be alone, and to feel like nobody can help you. So we compiled some quotes that actually get it, below.

Quotes On Feeling Alone Around Others

When it feels like nobody understands you, it can be the loneliest feeling in the world.

Loneliness around friends can make it very hard to share your feelings and thoughts, which causes a cycle of isolation. These quotes capture how it feels to be lonely because of those around you. 

“The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.”

― Mitch Albom

“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.” 

― Kim Culbertson

“There are worse things than feeling alone. Things like being with someone and still feeling alone.”

– M.W Poetry 

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.” 

– Robin Williams 

“When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.”

― Fiona Apple

Quotes That Say It’s Okay to Be Alone

Loneliness can come and go at any time in your life; what you have to always remember is that loneliness is temporary.

You don’t have to be sunshine and smiles all the time. It’s okay to be alone too.

“The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.” 

― Douglas Coupland

“My imagination makes me human and makes me a fool; it gives me all the world and exiles me from it.”

― Ursula K. Le Guin

“It’s only natural to feel lonely after the enjoyable moments pass. But as you experience new joys those feelings of sorrow will start to fade.”

― Mizu Sahara

Quotes to Fill the Silence

When you feel like the loneliness is becoming too much for you or you feel like you want to give up, turn to the quotes below, and let the words fill your mind!

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” 

― Maya Angelou

“I had already found that it was not good to be alone, and so made companionship with what there was around me, sometimes with the universe and sometimes with my own insignificant self; but my books were always my friends, let fail all else.”

– Joshua Slocum

“She understood how a world jammed with phones, email, and faxes could still leave you feeling utterly alone.”

― Jodi Picoult

“Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow.” 

― Janet Fitch

“The worst thing about loneliness is that it brings one face to face with oneself.”

― Mary Balogh

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”

― Kurt Vonnegut

“Some nights are made for torture, or reflection, or the savoring of loneliness.”

― Poppy Z. Brite

“If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it is… an opportunity to get to know you, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but you for your happiness… you will realize that a little loneliness goes a long way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful you.”

– Mandy Hal

What are some of your favorite quotes to capture feeling alone? Feel free to share your favorites, or ask for ones others like, anonymously at Supportiv.

The post Feeling Alone: Quotes That Actually Get It appeared first on Supportiv.

However, loneliness is often not the result of a lack of company, but a lack of quality company. 

Loneliness frequently results from not being able to feel vulnerable and accepted by others, so it can affect both extroverts and introverts. But the different styles of connection between introverted and extroverted individuals can make it harder for introverts to get as much connection as they need. 

For instance, while the typical extrovert will respond to a bad day with a night out, the typical introvert may find a quiet night in to be the best antidote to stress. That leaves the introvert in need of some other way to feel connected and included.

Do Introverts Have Built-In Loneliness Defenses?

Some might assume that introverts have more defenses against loneliness due to their perceived affinity for solitude, but an in depth study on loneliness from UCLA  reveals that long-term isolation does result in loneliness – even if you’re introverted to begin with.

Additionally, the study revealed familial trends in loneliness, indicating that without an example of how to engage with others, some may fall victim to an intergenerational cycle of loneliness. 

As noted in the UCLA study, introverts are human and thus need company of some sort. This is why introverts commonly find themselves able to spend long amounts of time with animals, very close friends, or family members.

These situations are different from being with most people, because the expectation to perform is lowered. Fear of being judged or rejected can be one of the most draining aspects of social interaction. 

Intentional vs. Cyclical Isolation

If you identify as introverted and feel lonely, it is important to assess whether you have gotten into a ‘cycle of loneliness,’ as noted by Psychology Today writer Sophia Dembling. A self-identified introvert, Dembling explains that for her, the comfort of solitude developed into loneliness as she began rejecting invitations, choosing comfort over connection. 

Unfortunately, it is very easy to become comfortable with patterns that do not serve our highest good. Compounded with shyness and/ or fear from inexperience in social settings, it’s easy to deny yourself opportunities to connect. 

After all, for many introverts, the discomfort of socializing can often feel worse than just being lonely. However, the effects of remaining lonely may build up in the long term. 

Ways Introverts Can Defend Against Loneliness

Many myths surround introversion, so we can all remember one thing: that introverts are not cold or rude. They simply recharge differently than extroverted people. 

It’s totally ok to be introverted – but if you are, it’s important to be mindful of how much alone time you truly need, and how much interaction you require to feel connected. 

Additionally, noting a concept from motivational coach Anthony Robbins, if you find yourself restricting your own ability to socialize, you may consider redefining how you see friendships. For example, if you have a rule that friends call you five days a week, then you will have a hard time believing you have friends.

On the other hand, it’s easier to feel connected when you think of friends as people you share mutual support with and feel good around, now matter how often you see them. 

You’re The Expert On You

Ultimately the only person who truly knows how you feel is you. Thus, your best advocate against loneliness is also you. As an introvert, you should not feel guilty about needing a little more alone time to feel whole. 

Everyone wants to feel included and some people simply have a hard time reaching out.

By remembering that loneliness is not exclusive to any one personality type, we can move towards greater empathy and create spaces for all of us to connect in meaningful and fulfilling ways with one another.

The post Are Introverts Lonely? Facts and Tips appeared first on Supportiv.

You might be grieving the loss of your family, or your family’s repellent toxicity. You might be optimistic about time to yourself, but also regretful of your situation and full of FOMO.

Some experience guilt for asserting their boundaries. And some just wish they could feel connected without the holiday drama.

Whatever you’re feeling about being alone for the holidays, you have to do something about it. So below are five strategies to try. See what works for you.

1. Decide What You Want From This Time

Do you want to just do nothing and zone out? Do you want to decompress and recharge? Or do you want to try new activities and find excitement?

Approach your alone time with intention, so you don’t look back and regret puttering around aimlessly.

If you can’t figure out what you want from your alone time, consider using your freedom to tackle longstanding to-do’s off your list. That way, you can go into the New Year fresh and with a blank slate.

2. Make Plans

Get excited about how you’ll spend your holidays, even though you’re not with family.

Take yourself on a day trip to a fun place, or plan a potluck with other friends who won’t be seeing family. Commit to doing one nice or fun thing for yourself each day you’re alone during the holidays.

You’re saving on the stress of family drama by spending the holidays with yourself. Pick your activities, allocate funds, and line everything up in advance for even less stress during this time.

3. Ignore Toxicity

You’ve determined that you’re spending the holidays alone. But your relatives keep pressuring you to attend their dinners and outings.

As psychologist C.Z. Edwards emphasizes in this Twitter thread, if toxic family members continue to bug you about joining them, you’re well within your rights to simply make an excuse.

You have permission from a psychological professional not to feel guilty!

Firmly state that you won’t be there, won’t change your mind. And silence notifications from family members who might continue to harass you, so they can’t disrupt your happy holiday alone.

4. Avoid Social Media

This is a must, whether you opted not to attend toxic family gatherings, or you don’t have family to keep tabs on. Checking social media while alone for the holidays can be a mind-fuck, for lack of a better word.

Regardless if you’re alone for the holidays by choice or circumstances, checking social media may introduce conflicting feelings of FOMO, regret, anger, or even jealousy.

5. Volunteer

It sounds generic, but volunteering when you’re alone for the holidays serves a number of purposes: occupies your time in a meaningful way, makes you feel less lonely, and gives you something to talk about, to connect with others.

Where can you volunteer? Here’s how to figure it out:

Decide what cause is close to your heart. If you’ve gone hungry before, volunteer at a food bank. If you were cold over the winters, set up a coat drive. Can’t get off all the Facebook cat groups? Try asking what you can do for a local animal shelter.

Use a tool to search for volunteer opportunities.

Can’t find the right volunteer organization? Just offer to help people you know. If you’re alone for the holidays, ask friends if they need help picking up holiday groceries, wrapping presents, etc. Or spend some time with others who are alone – maybe the elderly couple down the block!

What If I’m Still Just Really Lonely?

Sometimes loneliness becomes paralyzing, and all these strategies that could help just feel out of reach. It’s 9 pm on Christmas Eve, and you can’t pull yourself out of this dark place.

If you’re stuck in the bottom of a pit and need to feel seen, heard, and understood, open a Supportiv chat any time of day or night. We’re here, and we get it.

The post How To Be Happily Alone For The Holidays: 5 Things To Try appeared first on Supportiv.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Connecting means opening up. And while we love our friends and family, they might ask how we are doing. It has become too much effort to lie, but we don’t want to burden them with the truth, so we keep our distance.

We hate ourselves, feeling depressed and desperately lonely, but we fear that our pain will not be welcomed – or worse, that it will hurt others. So we swallow our depression and accept our loneliness, to avoid feeling like a burden. And the cycle continues.

Why You Can’t Feel Less Depressed While Staying Lonely

As mentioned by author and YouTuber Teal Swan, human beings are interrelational creatures. Above all else, humans need other people to feel fully healthy. This is why babies perish without physical touch, and adults lose their appetite during breakups.

As much as many of us say we are not a fan of people, we need them. But unfortunately, as a society, we have very poor boundaries, empathy, and acceptance of others. Most of us aren’t taught these necessary skills, which contributes to the cycle of loneliness, self-hatred, and depression. We struggle to find healthy, happy connections.

Breaking The Cycle: Temporary Discomfort

In my experience, the best first step to take to break this cycle is to begin practicing brutal honesty with oneself.

The path to healing cannot be comfortable, because it requires a person to admit that they’ve become accustomed to suffering. Misery and pain have become familiar. So all movement towards the opposite will feel bizarre, forced, and even scary.

Depression, self-hatred, and loneliness involve a lot of pain in the present. But we often reject the beginnings of a better but unfamiliar life. It may feel uncomfortable to adjust to a better reality, but pushing through means being rewarded — with the new energy of connection, self-love, and happiness.

Healing is not linear, and nobody can tell you where you are in the process. So please read through the next suggestions from your own perspective. Honor where you are presently at in this cycle.

Start With Depression: Honesty, Patience, and Baby Steps

It is critical that we are honest about what our boundaries and needs are. At the same time we must be mindful that not each person we connect with is capable of fulfilling all of our needs or respecting all of our boundaries. Skipping these two steps keeps many of us stuck in depression.

Often when we are hurting, we fear rejection so much that we make no attempt to connect! This only furthers the cycle of pain.

Depression is a sickness, and you can only expect to heal in baby steps. Don’t expect to find a BFF you can spend 24/7 with overnight. Just finding a friend who is willing to sit in silence with you on your phones is a noble improvement from sitting alone.

So to beat the loneliness depression self-hatred cycle, figure out what you are capable of doing, socially, and be clear and direct with your friends. Good friends understand that depression is not your fault, and that you’re still important.

See who is willing to hangout with you in a way that you are most comfortable. Be clear if you do not want to talk much, be clear if you would like to eat or not to, and proudly say when you feel it’s time to go home.

Seeing that your boundaries are respected will help you feel safe and understood. This will, in turn, strengthen your connection.

If you do not have friends nearby try to go somewhere public, find someone to chat safely with online, or even find an animal to connect with.

Address The Roots of Self Hatred

Self-hatred is complicated, but also can be helped tremendously by finding people whom you trust. You have to slowly open yourself up to believing the kind things they say about you!

It was not safe for you to like yourself, so this became your normal.

Sometimes we cannot escape the revolving door of self hating thoughts, and the words of people who set off your self hatred. But we can start by adding in positive statements.

Again, this may take some agency and initial discomfort on your part. So start small: practice saying “thank you” to compliments or ask your friends or family to tell you something that they like about you (try doing the same for them, too!).

If five people tell you that you are kind and very good at drawing, will you continue to deny them?

What if you are not as terrible as you thought? Remember, your self-hatred served you well at some point. That’s why it has stuck around. At one time or another (often in childhood or an abusive relationship), it was not safe for you to like yourself, so this became your normal. You have nothing to be ashamed of, people of all privileges hate themselves too at times.

Again, if you do not have a friend to call on, connect with an animal, go somewhere public if you can muster it, connect with someone safe online, and open yourself up to believing that perhaps your self-hating thoughts are not the only truth that exists.

As the poet Rumi once said “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Build Understanding Connections To Break The Cycle

Depression is an illness that strips us from the ability to feel control over our moods, emotions, energy, and life. As noted in the previous suggestions, taking control over what we can contradicts the overbearing pain of depression.

If we can change our mood by getting to see a friend on our terms, the confines of depression begin to crumble. So loneliness is a key point of action.

I would argue that while in a depression, the number one thing we need is to be surrounded by people who accept us in the totality of our depression. Otherwise we get stuck in shame, guilt, and self-hatred!

We need people who do not care that we have worn the same pajamas for six days and do not mind if we say bad things about ourselves. To break the cycle, we need people who can encourage us despite our present negativity.

This is why it is critical that we connect with friends that understand that we are hurting. Understanding friends allow us to believe that we are still valuable, even if we feel terrible and worthless.

That said, not every person can support others struggling, and we cannot take this personally and feed the depression with “proof” that we are terrible. Again, we have to be patient with others as well as ourselves.

By finding relationships with clear communication, we give ourselves the ability to connect with people who want to be with us. And, we’re in turn more able to respect the boundaries of people who cannot support us in this state. 

The Takeaway

Loneliness, self-hatred, and depression feed into each other in a cycle, and the path to healing is equally non-linear.

In our lowest moments we often are blinded by our pain and cannot see a clear way out of our emotions. It is imperative that we remember that we do have control, and that we can make decisions in our best interests.

We must also remember to be patient with ourselves, that the pain we feel is an accumulation of many compounded experiences. We will need to take time to move through each phase until we find the peace we’ve lost.

You deserve to feel that peace.

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